Any of you hear about Yankee Candle Company deciding to produce a line of Man Candles?
It’s true, and the masculine scents include, RIDING MOWER, FIRST DOWN, and 2×4 to name a few.
The descriptions are marvelous, take 2×4 for example: “The warm, unmistakable scent of freshly planed wood and sawdust evokes a sense of confidence and quality.”
Brilliant. I would straight up buy riding mower, no question. Shocker, I know.
You know when you’re strolling through the mall and suddenly your eyes begin to sting and water? Perhaps the dry-heave reflex kicks into gear as you’re assaulted by the mid-air conglomeration of HOT APPLE PIE WHITE LINEN VANILLA LILAC PEACH COBBLER PINA COLADA TRANQUILITY CINNAMON PLUMERIA CHRISTMAS TREE? That’s right, you must be near The Yankee Candle Company.
It’s a crazy kaleidoscope resulting in total sensory overload. It’s too much of too many unrelated things all at once. It’s like shoveling baby dolls out of a tube of toothpaste while counting backwards in German and masturbating with a sea urchin. It’s just like that, but in your nose, it makes no sense.
They say that scents are our strongest links to memories. Maybe that’s why I feel overcome with unexplainable anxiety and utter confusion when I walk by.
Anyway, the article got me thinking…
I get really annoyed by candles boasting false olfactory promises such as “TRANQUILITY” -“RELAXATION” -“HARMONY” -“PEACE”- “SERENITY” etc…
I didn’t even make those up people, that shit is fo’ realsies. Fucking marketing.
So, I came up with some ideas for a new line. Kind of a reality check for those who are overly optimistic or entirely too cheerful.
Some ideas include, but are certainly not limited to:
See, you can market anything. I know for sure I would buy any one of these candles, for their show-and-tell appeal if nothing else.
These are just a jumping off point, I’m always open to new suggestions.
Categories: Big Ideas