annoyingly annoyed by that which is annoying.

I’m sorry.

I’ve really been a shitty blogger friend, so preoccupied, distant, and unreliable. Like congress.

I know, I’m an asshole like that sometimes, just ask my real friends. I do apologize.

Ever get in a funk, and you don’t even know why but you can’t seem to get yourself out of it?  Where everything is annoying-I’m too tired-I’m too restless-I’m too hot-I’m too cold-I’m too hungry-I’m too full-I’m too fucking annoyed of myself being annoyed?

Hello, my name is Tracy.

You don’t have to be an owl in a graduation cap to figure out that it’s almost time for my monthly cyclical visit from Aunt Flo.  I hate it when she visits, it’s all about her, and her happy-one-minute-crying-the-next attitude.  She eats me out of house and home, complains about everything, and swallows up all of my Motrin.  To add insult to injury, she stresses me out so much that my face breaks out like I’m a teenager,  makes my pants too tight, causes my armpits to sweat more than a glass of iced lemonade on a hot summers day, and occasionally ruins my sheets.

Needless to say she wreaks havoc on my life for the week she’s here, and I hate her.

So perhaps I’ll blame her for the fact that I become psychotic when I step on a fucking teeny tiny lego piece in my bare feet before I’ve had my morning coffee. Or for feeling like I may have an aneurism if my boyfriend wears the wrong shirt.

And by the way, never, ever, ever buy a yellow lab.  Why you ask?  Because you will be cleaning up dog hair with homicidal contempt for the rest of your life. It will wind up in places you never knew existed, and you’d have an easier time getting rid of HPV.

I’m a real joy to be around, If I could bring myself to punch myself in the neck I would.

My room mates, and by room mates I mean children, can make high-pitched squeals and babble and scream so loud in the car, that it renders anyone within 1/8th of a mile radius temporarily deaf.  They did this in the car today and I nearly ran off the road into a tree.  Tears just started running down my face, as my ears bled.

The week before my period, I should be sequestered/quarantined from everyone. I become a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, in irritation, tears, anger or frustration. It is fucking horrible, and ladies, if you get this too then you know what havoc it wreaks on your life. Everyone thinks you’ve gone crazy, and even though you know it’s happening, you have no way of stopping it…the estrogen train has left the station and you are fucked.

And here I am.  Hooray for you lucky readers!

You know what I really love? When someone offers unsolicited advice, such as, “you know what I find really helps with my period?  Exercise!”

That’s funny, because you know what I find really helps with my period?  Laying in the fetal position with a pizza in a puddle of my own tears.

The End.

28 replies

        • from the moment it was put in, my stomach got worse and worse, bloated, horribly constipated and miserable. In addition to that, my mood went quickly into a depression and paralysis that I hadn’t felt in years. I was sad, unmotivated, detached…and it got worse every day. After 3 weeks of all of these symptoms worsening, and bleeding almost constantly, I googled “Mirena symptoms” and found that a whole shit ton of women were having the same horrific problems, physically and emotionally. I removed it. Within a week all of those symptoms disappeared.

  1. Miss you Tracy!!!!!!! Can we have coffee? Preferably after your “friend” is gone 🙂

    And the yellow lab part, shoot me!

  2. I tell my family “Bye! I’m leaving for a few days. You’re gonna think it’s me here but it’s not. I’m pms-ing talk to me if you dare.” And then I get a good book or tv series or sudoku or some shit, lots of water, some healthy food, some delicious food, my tablet and get the fuck out of the way. In my wonderful master suite, a whole little queendom. And I take Pamprin like it’s chocolate.

  3. OMG. I so know these feelings. I hate myself and everyone and what do u do when u can’t get away from urself?!? U put into words what I feel every month and made it funny. Thank u!!

  4. Thank god for being ancient 😛 I had 40 years of 5 days a month of being a danger to all who came any near me.

    I am amazed that the boys haven’t learnt to turn the volume down when you start emitting the danger signals. I do hope that you feel better soon *offers hugs across the Atlantic Ocean*

    • Thank you…the men/boys try to get it, want to empathize, but they will never get it. I just want to hole up in my room with a few good movies and my laptop for a few days until the storm subsides, but unfortunately that never happens.

      • That is the curse of being a woman – we forget how to look after ourselves because we are sorting everybody else;s sh1t out o_O And now my 50 kilo dog is trying to be a lapdog again” O_O

  5. That sounds like my truck….right down to the “enough!” from mum at the end….. 😀 So glad to know we’re not alone…..

  6. This whole post explains exactly why I just cooked an ENORMOUS batch of homemade mac and cheese and decided to add saute’d mushrooms at the end. Seriously, I would have a hysterectomy TOMORROW if insurance would pay for it. My husband is active duty military and those fuckers (insurance) will pay for vasectomies all fucking day long, but will they pay for me to render MY baby-maker useless? Nope. Fuckers. And I think you’re insane for getting a yellow lab. But that might just be my bitchy premenstrual side talking. 😉

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