Land Of The Lost, 8 Tracks, Spirograph and Big Wheels.

I know, I’m in the middle of the Paolo’s series…but I wanted to ramble for a few minutes on this dreary Wednesday morn.

A 42-year-old boy blogger, named Billy wrote a funny post that made me think of this:

I loved that fucking show. LOVED IT. Look at those amazing graphics! So life-like! I totally went on all of their adventures with them in the early 70’s, sitting in front of the TV in footie pajamas, mindlessly shoveling spoonfuls of Cheerios laden with about 4 cups of sugar on top from the bowl in my lap into my wide-eyed, zombie-like face.

It was a simpler time. TV’s had rabbit-ear antennae, the enormous leaves of dark green house plants were cleaned with mayonnaise on a cloth to make them shine. Parents smoked in the house. Macrame was the shit. We watched hours of Gilligan’s Island and (if you were from the Mid-Atlantic) Captain Chesapeake while parents nursed hangovers on the weekends. Portable 8 track players rocked our bedrooms.

4cea2030b7eb0_110247n

I had this model. I was cooler than you could ever imagine.

Sometimes I would break from watching such epic television to feed my creative spirit with a little Spirograph time.

KENNERS_SPIROGRAPH_BOX_LID_CONTENTS_DRAWING_SET_401

Spirograph was also the shit. I think it was the gateway to hallucinogens.

spirograph6

It was a time when kids were kids, and we had to actually play with real three-dimensional board games.

Hang on, it’s flashback time!

Perfection. Probably the best game ever.

Perfection. Probably the best game ever.

I will show this to my kids when they complain that the Wii is "boring."

I will show this to my kids when they complain that the Wii is “boring.”

Cat's Eye...I don't even remember how you play, but I remember I loved it.

Cat’s Eye…I don’t even remember how you play, but I remember I loved it.

Operation! Suck it Uncle Wayne!

Operation! Suck it Uncle Wayne!

Best part was popping the cubes.

Best part was popping the cubes.

Then, shit got kicked up a notch with the introduction of electronic games! Cutting edge.

Simon. I love you Simon. I played this game ALL OF THE TIME. If I had one now I probably wouldn't even blog.

Simon. I love you Simon. I played this game ALL OF THE TIME. If I had one now I probably wouldn’t even blog.

Merlin, you were right there with Simon for me. I would also play this for HOURS.

Merlin, you were right there with Simon for me. I would also play this for HOURS.

Then, oh sweet christ…the joy. The sheer elation we experienced upon the introduction of this MIND BLOWING game that you could actually play ON YOUR TV! Can you believe your eyes?!

blip...blip....blip...blip

blip…blip….blip…blip

Fancy!

Fancy!

We all wasted countless hours at the kids’ house who was privileged enough to own such a high-tech game, begging for a chance to turn the dial and volley the white pixel.

And then, something AMAZING happened…there isn’t a kid from this generation that didn’t beg, borrow or steal for one.

Atari. Thank you world.

Atari. Thank you world.

SPACE INVADERS! Clear that bottom line baby! How many hours of your life did you waste on this freaking game?!

SPACE INVADERS! Clear that bottom line baby! How many hours of your life did you waste on this freaking game?!

Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Land of The Lost took me back, and as my kids play Wii and Xbox, or Minecraft on their computer or iTouch…I just think, man, you have no freaking idea.

I guess regaling them with stories of “phones with cords” and “having to change the channel on the TV… WITH YOUR HAND” makes me old. That’s cool, fuck it, if you need me I’ll be outside till dark, riding my Big Wheel and playing doorbell ditch.

The good old days. You know you wore a hole in the hard plastic tire doing burn outs. I did.

The good old days. You know you wore a hole in the hard plastic tire doing burn outs. I did.

40 replies

  1. When my daughter was about twelve or so, I took her to her grandmother’s house and showed her the stereo turntable, put a record on it and began to play it. I could see the wheels turning in her head (no pun intended) and she spoke, “So the music is in those ridges?”

    Brilliant child, she was.

    Spirograph!!! I love it.

    Do you remember Creepy Crawlers? 2nd degree burns, baby!

    • Creepy Crawlers! Holy shit, yes…they were freaking awesome. Shrinky Dinks rocked too, I tried to make them in my Easy Bake Oven…needless to say it didn’t go so well.

        • I did, although it was really just an object of frustration. Yeah, as we all know, kids have an abundance of patience…and waiting for a shitty little cake to bake from the heat of a 60 watt light bulb was not all it was cracked up to be. In light of that, no pun intended, I attempted to put/melt many other random objects in that little tin pan, while I ate the bowl of uncooked cake batter. Much more enjoyable that way.

  2. OF Course I made a hole doing burn outs! Spirograph – I’m pissed that they don’t sell that with pins anymore – it’s all safe with some lame redesign. GIVE ME THE PINS BACK!!

      • I know! – Kids don’t get to figure anything out on their own! How do you know – REALLY know” how to avoid getting hurt or doing things and learning how far you can push yourself if there’s no danger?? Kids are weak these days!! lol

        • We learned to ride a bike better by cracking our heads and skinning our knees. We learned that fire burns by getting burned…kids today are growing up in a cocoon, thinking that their mommies will always be there to catch them and put the straw into their fucking organic juice boxes. A generation of pussies…

          • AMEN! That’s why I’m a “mean” Mom. I’ve gotten mad at my kids if they ask me stupid questions – “Figure it out!” is what I’ll say if I know they just as because they don’t want to do something.

  3. Tracy,
    First off, thanks for the plug my friend. Secondly, I still have nightmares about Sleestacks. Thirdly, was Captain Chesapeake like Captain Kangaroo? Fourthly, I was pretty spectacular at Simon. Fifthly, I have no fifthly. Sixthly, I totally had a fifthly but thought it was funnier saying I didn’t have a fifthly but then using sixthly to say I did have a fifthly. Seventhly, I should have just said I had a fifthly, because this is getting long winded. Eighthly, apologies all around.

  4. Did not yet hit play on your video, did not reference or google anything except my own memory… here it goes:

    Roger, Will and Holly
    On a routine expedition
    And the greatest earthquake ever known

    Something something rapids
    Shook their tiny raft
    And plunged them something valley down below

    To the laaaannnd of the lossst!
    (Roar of the dinosaur!)

    How did I do?

  5. Sittin on the shag pile in front of the black & white Rank Arena TV, Magna Doodling and watching I Dream of Jeanie…aaah, for the good ol’ days

  6. I think I had most of that stuff. I just remember ordering much of it out of a catalogue of sorts and placing and picking up the order at some dodgy looking outlet where it smelled like a hobo and had harsh lighting. This got me thinking about how the “remote” at the time was a long cord from the TV attached to a shoe-boxed size gizmo with buttons to push for the channels, the way you would push the buttons on a blender. Same noise too.

    Groovy 🙂

    Paul

  7. I want a “OMG! My Childhood!” button to click. I had just about everything on that list, except for the portable 8 Track. We went straight from vinyl to cassettes.

  8. I bought my daughter an Easy Bake a couple of years ago…..it is now shaped like a microwave and they still really really suck at baking anything resembling what is on the package.

  9. Holy mother of god, this post has tripped my brain out!!! I cannot believe I’d forgotten so much of this. LOL The Spirograph was only my FAVORITE thing forever! The Wonderful Ring Toss…HOURS lost to that thing. My parents still own our old Atari and a box full of games. I’ve threatened to steal it a few times. I’m not a fan of my husband and kids’ Xbox games but I will play Pitfall or Frogger for days! I can’t wait for everyone to get home later so I can blow my kids’ minds with The Land of the Lost video. Ahhhh, the non-suck times of childhood… 🙂

  10. I loved the Atari game with the clowns being tossed from one teeter totter to another. My pop would sit on the floor indian style with a beer and a cigarette playing that game for hours.

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