Living an Authentic Life.

Recently, a few new challenges have arisen regarding my choice to live transparently through this blog.

When I meet someone in the real live walking and talking world, and they find out my last name, they, and anyone else they know that can use Google – family, coworkers, etc. can then have access to basically every shadowy corner of my life. I am 100% OK with this, obviously, or I would have never chosen to put it out there in the first place.

It is impossible to glimpse through a few pieces of writing and make a true assessment, let alone a judgement of me, or anyone else for that matter. It is like picking up a book, reading a few pages, putting it back on the shelf and then having your weekly book club over to give them a complete synopsis on whether the book is good or bad. I have a hard time believing, if you read all 200+ posts on this blog, that you would see anything other than a good, honest, loving, truthful human being at the core. I may be a lot of things, but one thing you can’t call me is dishonest. I am exposed, from the inside out, all of my struggles, failures and successes, thoughts and emotions…how many people can say that they are that self-actualized? My guess is not many. In no way am I saying or even implying that people need to put their life story on the interwebs in order to be free…what I am saying, is that I needed to. I needed to turn myself inside out, to be raw and exposed, honest and true, and I have been liberated in a profound way as a result.

The truth will set you free, and I am free. I live in the truth, always, every moment, every day, and I am fully alive.

I do not let the dogma of others effect or shame me, my experiences, or my person in any way. I spent my entire life doing that, hiding, living behind a facade, keeping up appearances, being who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. That took me further and further away from my true self, so much so that I was lost, and drowning, and trying desperately to escape the person in the mirror that I didn’t even recognize. Now, my life is authentic, in the truest most pure sense of the word.

Authentic.

I know who I am, and anyone who knows me, knows who I am.

Obviously, I put everything out here, and that was my choice when I first began. I had my fair share of band-aids to rip off with family as a result of living in the truth, and I understand that the measuring stick by which I gauge my own comfort level of exposure does not apply to everyone else. What I write about is the human condition, and I choose to live out loud in hopes of helping others who have struggled as well. There is power in realizing that we are not alone, and that in spite of it all, not only can we survive, but we can thrive and succeed beyond our wildest dreams.

That is my message. That is who I am.

This blog is not just writing, it is me, my life, a living human being with the capacity to love and be loved. I can be funny, tragic, sarcastic, irreverent, thoughtful, soulful, insightful, outrageous or inappropriate. Some posts will make you cry, others will make you cringe, while others will make you laugh out loud. Some will make you think about your own life, your own missteps, your own struggles and successes.

No matter what you think, they will inspire emotion and thought, and that is the point.

I have learned that it is really none of my business what other people think about me. Feelings aren’t facts. I am solid with who I am. I know that I am a good person, raising amazing children and living a life that is filled with caring, love and immense gratitude. I will follow my path, remain in this space, I am unshakable in it.

 

65 replies

  1. Tracy,
    You know I respect every single thing you have written here? And you, ultimately. Even though I write under the Le Clown moniker, my blog is all moi, and so is The Outlier Collective and Black Box Warnings, from the stories about my alcoholism, to my golden shower jokes. It is who I am. And that Le Clown dude loves you for who you are too… And fuck, you’re fantastic anyway…
    Le Clown

    • Le Clown,
      You respect it because you live it. You are one of the most authentic people I have ever met, which is part of the reason I came to Montreal to eat mile high meat sandwiches on big hills with you and your family. It is why we clicked instantly. Keep rocking it fuckface. I love you immensely.
      Tracy

  2. Oh, damn. Just when I was starting to think this was some old dude perving for attention, you’re REAL?! (I’m joking.) I love everything about this blog. I would be so disappointed to find out it’s not who you really are. Honest.

    • Fresh Ginger,
      I really am an old dude, with sagging balls down to mid thigh. I like to eat beef jerky in my dirty underpants over a tv tray in my recliner while watching Beverly Hillbilly reruns and running this blog.
      Love,
      “Tracy”

  3. Don’t worry about those who want to rain on your parade. They will always be out there trying to suck the life out of any situation. Overlooking them is the only way you win. BTW, you rock!

    • trendbytes,
      EXACTLY. It has taken a lot of work not to worry about what other people think and to lose that people-pleaser mentality. I know who I am, finally, I was here all along underneath all of the debris. Nobody can rain on my parade, see me? I’m the one in the flesh colored unitard with the side ponytail riding the unicorn float throwing glitter at the crowd.
      Rock on,
      Tracy

  4. You are beautiful. And an inspiration to me to write more authentically and transparently. And to care less about what people think about it. There is great freedom in putting it out there, I’m learning. Scary as fuck, but liberating.

    • Rachelle,
      You make me want to sing the Titanic theme song in my underwear on the front of a ship, or a double decker tour bus. You’re also a member of The School of Authenticity. Keep pushing forward my friend.
      Love,
      Tracy

  5. Love this! You are an authentic person and you can see through this blog that you are a good person, a great mother and a wonderful soul

  6. It’s nearly 3 a.m. my time, and I just had a dream I was trying to write something that was pretty emotionally outing, but I lost power, so I went out to my car to charge it with the lighter socket instead. That worked, but then I lost internet connection. When I finally got that going, I was swarmed by a fleet of Dutch cops on bicycles who were profiling people sitting in their cars in the middle of the night. :/ The last part was me trying to publish before being arrested, panicked, like I really NEEDED to publish while I was still feeling brave! Then I woke up and found your post here. Thank you; it really gives me strength.

  7. Tracy, you are one of the most genuine and honest
    people I know. you can’t please everyone, no one can. If someone dislikes you, just brush it off.
    trendbytes is correct. Don’t let anyone rain on your
    parade. people that don’t care for you have more to
    hide than you ever did. you came a long long way.
    that in itself is a great achievment.
    I luv u and Iam very proud of you !

    • regina,
      As always, your comment touches my heart. The nature of our relationship, over the span of 27 years (ew, I’m fucking old) gives you a motherly presence, and a wisdom that adds poignancy to your words. I truly appreciate the care and concern that you put forth in all of your comments my friend.
      Love,
      Tracy

  8. Tracy, I haven’t followed your blog for very long, and what a pity. I started my blog for similar reasons, but didn’t realise just how challenging it can be to be honest, even just with myself. The truth shall indeed set us free. I will be following more closely.

    • Nadia,
      It can be incredibly challenging to be completely honest, sometimes we realize through writing that even when we think we are being honest with ourselves, when we see the words line up, we realize that is not at all our truth. It is an enlightening path, enjoy it, it’s the only path to freedom.
      Tracy

  9. Tracy, you don’t know how happy I am to see this blog! You are a wonderful person, truthful people are becoming rare these days!
    Thanks to Electric Lady for sharing this 🙂
    If possible please give feedback on my scribble Resilience too

  10. I have been told, forced, manipulated and bullied into to commenting. *kidding, sort of*

    I didn’t actually want to comment to be honest, mainly because I didn’t want to affect the world Tracy has created here in the interwebs, but last night I had an epiphany. I realized as I was looking over her shoulder and seeing all the comments come in about her last post, that the positives outweighed the negatives. It always does, btw, it’s a perspective thing. Anyhow, in keeping true to my word, here we go….

    To all, et al.,
    I was me, so was she; a moment ago we were two. Both of us were beings, being ok with, knowing and working on life, individually. Happy in getting over, growing up and getting on with it all, finally breaking through the veil, which we forced ourselves to keep, out of fear for so many years. We were happy apart but didn’t realize how deep and vast that word can go.

    Then after a string of bad dates and asinine instances, the fishing net caught us both. We met at a restaurant with a name, which in the eyes of magick symbolizes innocence and love. Go figure. (Yes I believe in those signs, I have learned to let go and see them)

    It all started as clichéd as this sounds, ‘as she walked through the doors into the busy restaurant’. Our eyes met and the patrons between us parted, they actually made a path way for our connection, wtf? The moment was so strange we both took note that it happened after the fact, not kidding. She commented to me that she did a deep swallow because of my appearance, she thinks I’m hot. I’m not, fyi. I was worried I would say something stupid or being too goofy, which I am 137% of the time.

    We thought we were going to do the normal date thing but it wasn’t normal. After about 4 sentences of hellos and telling the waitress we needed more time to order, we realized this wasn’t what we expected at all. This wasn’t masks and facades. The ‘normal’ crap of dating and seeing the other who is not what you want pretend to be who you want, didn’t happen. We broke through to something we never knew could happen
    .
    From that point forward, everything, and I mean everything in my life changed. Life itself has continued to make a path way for our connection, and has done so without fail or reserve. At times it has been humorously obvious, other times it takes two burritos and a bathroom to reveal itself.

    Dating her, well it’s not what you think, at all. You have no idea, and neither did I. I might say more but I will say this, we are exactly alike is all things. I know right, but it’s true, in so many ways. Really, and finally!

    How about that?

    More to come, I don’t know, maybe. I made her promise not to be too revealing about us and our personal life, but then the burrito hit and I realized the importance of what is happening. So who knows? Best of luck to you all, and smile they are free!

    • “Rounded Corners”

      Look at you and your big balls commenting on my blog…the curtain is pulled back, and he appears.

      You said it all perfectly, of course, because you are you…as real as I’ve ever known, and because you ate not one, but two of my burrito’s. I love that you equate your epiphany to “two burrito’s and a bathroom.” That is so sexy and eloquent, like snow shoveling to get to the coal mine.

      I’ve already written at least 3 posts about you, and us, and how incredibly fortunate and insanely happy I am. I know I will write many more, because I love you.

      Pull your pants down.

      Tracy

  11. When we are honest we never have to defend ourselves – we own what is. Our authenticity precedes us. You’ve done an amazing job at putting this feeling into words. Go with that strength. Your world is in balance.

  12. Read post. Read comments. I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said. I think you are one of the bravest, most honest people I’ve ever “met.” That scares a lot of people, so rather than embracing it themselves, they try to shut it down in others.

    Keep living it.

    Hello, RC!

    And now I must do housework.

  13. Tracy,

    I have to say that this post is your most spectacular, most significant, and most engaging post to date! Wow!

    When you put “authentic” in this context and I related it also to your Zen post, it made me immediately remember the scientific studies: the genomes all of us as human beings SHARE with the rest of all living organisms on this planet — sorry, I’m getting nerdy — I though of Hive Mind, or the mind-blowing power of the Collective Consciousness. You are like that warrior-ant, that brave worker-bee that sets into motion the ENTIRE ripple of brilliance, survival, evolution, and progress!

    Again, many congratulations woman! Can I hear you roar? 😉

  14. First of all I want to say wonderful blog! I
    had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you
    don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing.

    I’ve had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints?
    Kudos!

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