the one year anniversary of illbeoutinaminute.com

bannerrr“There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be…”

-John Lennon

One year ago today, with nothing but blind faith and a restless mind, I wrote my first post. I re-read it a thousand times and bit my cuticles as I hit publish, and voila, a blog was born. I was absolutely dumbfounded when people read it, and even followed me. According to my stats, I received an average of 131 hits per day, and 3,918 on my first month out. I was blown away.

“a bit about me : step inside my head for a few minutes” seems like another lifetime ago, like a toddler learning to walk, unsteady and falling down repeatedly, easily distracted by the next shiny object and off on a different direction, willing to do just about anything for a laugh, and all the while in desperate need of attention, love, and validation.

In all fairness, I really had no idea what I was doing, let alone what I was going to do. I just knew I had a bunch of funny stories, too much time on my hands as a freshly recovering alcoholic who was two months separated from my husband, at home raising two young boys and trying to keep my shit together. That’s where “The Monkey’s Off My Back But the Circus is Still in Town” came from.

I desperately needed an outlet, a way to get out of my own head. I had spent a lifetime escaping and drowning it all out, and now that there were no more magic elixir’s to shut down the racing thoughts and feelings, it all bubbled to the surface, and there was a full-on, three-ring circus in my head, that I had no other choice but to find a way to orchestrate. That is where “I’ll be out in a minute” comes from, of my own head.

I was faced with the overwhelming proposition of learning how to eat an elephant.

It is incredibly enlightening now to be able to read back through the past year and actually see the evolution that has taken place, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. I can see myself growing up on the pages, and it is both humbling and rewarding to witness the maturity.

Along with my personal development, I feel that my writing has evolved and matured to a level I never imagined. I never thought I’d be writing Freshly Pressed pieces like Beef Stroganoff , not in a million years. I didn’t set out to be a great writer, or even a good one; I just wanted to be funny. If I got a laugh, I succeeded, and that was that. That sustained me for many months, then I started writing more about my sobriety, struggles, and recovery. I was surprised how easy it was for me to talk about it, and it was incredibly satisfying to connect with others in recovery and offer one another support.

We blog because we want feedback, we want validation, otherwise we would just keep journals. This has proven to be one of the most instrumental and influential facets of my recovery and personal evolution. The guidance, constructive criticism, encouragement and praise has not only elevated my writing, but given me a sense of being heard that I have been lacking, a validation that I have needed desperately my whole life. Here was a platform, where for once, I felt not only heard, but also understood.

Now, a year later, I have a direction. I am writing a book, have been writing a book, but it keeps changing and evolving. Eventually I will be satisfied with it enough to begin the query process, but I’m getting there. I’m content, happy, almost 18 months sober and now 3 weeks smoke free. My kids are wildly fantastic and I’m in better physical shape than I’ve been in 20 years. Next week I’ll be joining the convent.

Let me tell you, this old dog has learned some new tricks.

It’s awesome to have a voice, and to connect with so many amazing people across the globe and share our stories and evolve together. My little blog that started off as all fuckity fuck this fuck that fuck you is growing up. It still likes to curse, but has found that everything has a time and a place, knowledge that stems directly from my new relationship with the word moderation.

I now have over 1,000 followers and average 60,000 hits a month. That is deserving of the word fuck, as in holy fucking shit, or get the fuck out of town, or no fucking way! That’s the average number of people who fit into a football stadium, every month. That’s fucked up, and by fucked up, I mean totally awesome.

Believe me, I’ve got nothing but love and a whole lot of gratitude. My ego wouldn’t be doing cartwheels and high-fiving itself right now if it wasn’t for all of you who actually read what I write. You’re all crazy, and awesome, and talented and quirky and funny and honest and brilliant. I’m honored to have a little corner in this amazing Word Press community.

Last year I would’ve ended with You’re Welcome, this year I’ll try Thank you.

xoxo

Tracy

 

75 replies

  1. Tracy,
    What can I say. I truly enjoy your writing. Whether it’s a funny story, a sad story, and just silly, I always find your writing entertaining and that’s why I read. Keep up the great work and congrats on a great year.
    Twindaddy

  2. Much as I enjoy and enjoyed your humorous posts for their sponaneity and ‘don’t care’ attitude, when you started writing your more serious posts I was completely blown away by your writing style and content – it was like you’d been born to write, which I think is true, still. Born to write. Keep on writing. Keep on being yourself.

    • Thank you! You were one of my very first followers and followee’s. I have always loved your writing and look forward to many more years of blogging banter my friend. I think you’re an incredibly talented writer.
      Tracy

  3. Congratulations, Tracy! You have put some amazing posts out there and you offer the best of both funny and serious. I never know what I’m gonna get and that’s one of the reasons I really enjoy visiting your site. A big fucking pat on the back.

  4. Happy Blogging Birthday! So glad to have found you over here in Ireland. The Beef Strog post was the first of yours I read and was really taken by it. But, I also love the way you can shift gear, change subject and make me laugh so much I think I’ll get sick!

    Here’s to another year of great writing and most importantly, happiness!

  5. I think you’ve really evolved as a writer since you first began. Your writing was never bad, far from it, but there’s an earnest quality about your most recent writing that I really enjoy.

  6. Happy to be one of the many followers and supporters of yours. I always enjoy what you write whether it be ‘fuckity fuck’ or your recent gems. Congrats on a year and the success you have had!

  7. I started reading you for the humor, it was raw and outrageous. I’m no judge of writing, but your memoir stories are captivating. You wrote the only 8000 word post I’ve ever read, and it was a really great read. Wit, honesty, vulnerability – it’s wonderful Tracy. Congrats on your anniversary!

    • You are sweeter than a cotton candy kitten playing with a unicorn baby in a field of sugar coated sunflowers.
      I am no judge of writing by any means. I went to art school and majored in illustration for gods sake. I just write and it keeps me sane. It’s an added bonus to connect with fabulous peeps such as your bad ass self.
      Thank you,
      Tracy

      • LOL – that’s a little too sweet! I went to art school too. I majored in life drawing – a highly marketable skill. I think I’ll take my bad-ass self outside and shoot me a fucking woodpecker! Here’s to another great year of writing!

    • Thank you, I think for so many of us blogging saves us from ourselves and gives us like-minded folks to connect with, alleviating the notion that we are the only fucked up people in the world. We are many and varied and we rock the motherfucking house.
      Thanks,
      Tracy

  8. Tracy,
    Happy Blogday. 60,000 a month? Holy fulkin’ shit. That’s Incredible, but with less Fran Tarkenton and Cathy Lee Crosby. You deserve all of it. I love your humor, I love your seriousnessnessness, I love you. Hahaha, calm down, I’m a married gentleman. But to see the evolution of your writing is inspiring. There are a handful of blogs that I anxiously await the next post from, and you are one of them. You ooze nostalgia, and I love that. Is it wrong to tell a lady she oozes? Oh well, it’s true, deal with it. Keep it going my friend. When that book gets published, and it will, I will be the first in line. In an on-line sense, of course, not physically. I’m not a barbarian. Congrats on the 3 weeks smoke free too. You know they say when you quit the first 26 years are the hardest.

    Bill

    • Bill,
      You never fail to make me laugh out loud. Notice I didn’t type “lol” because I am not 12. 60,000 Is Incredible! (In Cooper font on a red tee shirt) and it’s due primarily to one thing. Google creative masturbation. That’s right, I’ve arrived. I don’t know how it ranked so high, but it gets a shit ton of traffic.
      I love you back, in a way that one loves a married man who she’s only met over the internet. That sounds horrible. But since we’re having a circle jerk I think you’re super talented yourself, and one day I’m going to show up at one of your shows and heckle the fuck out of you. I will be the one in the red That’s Incredible shirt.
      Not smoking is really hard, I miss it all the time, and you’re right about the first 26 years being the hardest. You’re like, a prophet or something.
      Tracy

  9. Congratulations cupcake. The Thank You really does show how much you’ve grown. The three weeks smoke free is amazing, and the 18 months of sobriety is FANtastic. This is nothing to sneeze at, and neither are your words. Each post something more poignant, more personal, more honest, and more touching comes out.
    Thank YOU for choosing “publish.”

  10. Tracy,

    Very thoughtful and self-reflective one year anniversary post. I thought you were hilarious when I first read you, and I still do, but I also really appreciate your willingness to go beyond that dimension and dig deeper. You have a lot to offer right where you are, and you will continue to offer more as you go further with your recovery and growth and your project of becoming more yourself. I can relate, and truly, I am inspired by your evolution! Keep on going please, you are awesome.

    Chris

    • Chris,
      I must say, you played an integral part in my evolution. I can look at the writing and pinpoint the shift, and it was then that you reached out to me and expressed your thoughts and support. And honestly, you turned me on to Natalie Goldberg, and her book enabled me to push into a space I never knew. Right after I read Writing Down the Bones, my world blew open and I suddenly had learned a new way to look at and access everything.
      Thank you for being an amazing woman, friend, and fellow pseudo-Budhist. The universe works in mysterious ways.
      Tracy

  11. Tracy,
    Well then… You’re welcome.
    Seriously, I’ve been absent and I have much reading to do on your blog, as I have been too caught up in my own mess, but congrats: on evolving, on being here, on posting frequently, on having one of the freshest voices on the ‘sphere, and for being a fantastic human being. My blogroll will live a drastic reduction in a very near future, but you will continue to occupy a place of honour.
    Much love,
    Le Clown

  12. You’ve become an overnight sensation for a reason, Tracy; unlike some writers of similar style and tone, your stories ring true and your heart shines through in everything you do.
    You’re an original.
    You’re the bad girl next door my parents said to stay away from. (Well, my mom did, anyway.)
    You’re Tracy Fulks.
    And you rock.

  13. Whoa. Awesome numbers from the get go. When I was starting out, I thought getting 16 views in a day was pretty great. Then I thought maybe it was me checking out my blog and re-reading it, that might be pushing those numbers up. But seriously, even now, I think 50 views is a good day for me when I’m blogging regularly. I haven’t done a post in a few weeks, so my numbers are all off again and I get a few, usually from people looking for clip art.

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