10 more things you (probably) didn’t (want to) know about me.


1. Before any pickle is made, it comes to my house where I inject the bumps onto it and then send them off to the pickling factory.

2. I invented the Marmoset, with my friend God.

3. Every time I make a wish on a rainbow, a leprechaun appears and tells me to go fuck myself.

4. When I was little, I had a beach towel with Chachi on it. I used to lay on it and make out with him, and by little I mean last Tuesday.

5. If you mix glue, baby powder, heavy whipping cream, dirt and peanut butter in a crock pot, you will have a huge fucking mess.

6. I once gave birth to Donna Summer, and she told me to Dim All The Lights because I was Hot Stuff.

7. I like to put ketchup all over my tires and tell my children that I ran over the puppy. Then they cry and I laugh because it’s so funny to watch their little tears.

8. I once climbed to the top of Kilimanjaro, and by Kilimanjaro I mean my stairs, for a nap.

9. I like to dress up in a ball gown with a hoop skirt and go opera caroling to my neighbors, at 5:17am every other Sunday. They like to high five me, in my face.

10. I am not a member of Oprah’s book club.

33 replies

  1. See, the injecting the bumps into pickles thing just took me right back to that horrifying zit experience of yesterday. I’m traumatized I believe.
    I think the leprechaun might not be so bad. It would be a very grounding experience. A little get real moment.

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