10 more things you didn’t know about me


1. I am really Thomas Jefferson, reincarnate, from the waist down.

2. I can play the triangle.

3. I invented the candy apple.

4. I carve a pumpkin every day in remembrance of the The Headless Horseman.

5.  I cultivate precious Cantonese Unicorn Embryo’s and sell them on Craigslist.

6. I invented the lowercase alphabet.

7. I fit 92,160 raindrops into a gallon mason jar.

8. If I had a really big zit, I’d name it Poppy.

9. I’m making a movie called The Color Lavender, with white people, to make Oprah mad.

10. I can stand on 1 foot for 12 seconds, but only on the 2nd Tuesday of odd-numbered months.

52 replies

    • Withered and smelly. And, correct me if I”m wrong, but I think bathing came a smidge before 1980, at least for the rest of the planet. Who’s smelly now?
      Your little Poppy is one I can’t wait to squeeze…in 24 days I’ll pop her.

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