1. I am really Thomas Jefferson, reincarnate, from the waist down.
2. I can play the triangle.
3. I invented the candy apple.
4. I carve a pumpkin every day in remembrance of the The Headless Horseman.
5. I cultivate precious Cantonese Unicorn Embryo’s and sell them on Craigslist.
6. I invented the lowercase alphabet.
7. I fit 92,160 raindrops into a gallon mason jar.
8. If I had a really big zit, I’d name it Poppy.
9. I’m making a movie called The Color Lavender, with white people, to make Oprah mad.
10. I can stand on 1 foot for 12 seconds, but only on the 2nd Tuesday of odd-numbered months.