holiday craft instructions : part 3


1 china bowl from your wedding set or mothers’ china cabinet, 1 pack Bubblicious chewing gum, 1 sheet wax paper, 1 can spray adhesive, 8 cups dry dog food, 1 brown paper grocery bag, 4 well-beaten baby robins eggs, ½ cup cinnamon sugar.

To start, you will need to chew the entire pack of gum, one at a time, and neatly place the chewed gum balls onto your sheet of wax paper and set aside. Take your fine china bowl, a sheet of newspaper, and your can of spray adhesive into a very small confined space, such as a closet or guest bathroom. Place your bowl right side up and spray for apx 58 seconds with spray adhesive, make sure to hold your breath.

Take your bowl and supplies back out onto a flat surface, flip the bowl and cover the other side in balls of the chewed Bubblicious bubble gum. Take your cinnamon sugar and sprinkle completely across the chewed gum balls. Flip your bowl back to right side up. In a brown grocery bag, fill with 4 cups of dry dog food. Slowly fold in the well-beaten baby robin’s eggs. All set? Great.

Now, gently set your bowl inside the brown paper bag and roll the top closed. Pick up your bag and shake violently for 4 minutes. Open your bag and remove the bowl, which should be fully covered in dry dog food and egg mixture. Place bowl on cookie sheet, and bake at 200 degrees for 2 hours and 12 seconds.

The result is a keepsake that will forever remind them of just how special you really think their dog is.

31 replies

  1. Okay, so, I have no idea what I just made… I followed your tutorial, but all I have is bowl-shards in my feat and dogfood up my nose.

    Oh, one cool thing, though. While I was emptying the spray can I totally took a breath, cause you said I shouldn’t… Suddenly my bathroom looked super awesome and colorful. So thanks for that tip.

  2. Can I skip all that and just spray the adhesive in a paper bag for inhalation later? Once I’m in the hospital in a coma, my dog will get to eat all the dog food out of the bag he can find…wait – I don’t have a dog. How about a cat? Will breathing in a cat work?

  3. This reminds me of the “How-To” papers I used to get when I taught Freshman Comp. One kid wrote about how to fix a car. My husband looked at it and said “By step three, the car would be on his face.” Even professional ones aren’t much better. You follow along and does your dog food gumball bowl look like Martha’s? Hell, no. That sucks.

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