1. I once created an intestinal sculpture using only a 2 lb block of cheddar cheese and a package of Sour Patch Kids.
2. I invented the Apple computer, and Steve Jobs stole it.
3. I invented the Internet.
4. I once danced privately for Patrick Swayze and he called me “baby” the whole time. Since then I’ve been a pretty big deal.
5. Sometimes on Sundays, I like to pretend I have Guillain-Barre syndrome.
6. I would like very much to contract Alopecia of the genital region.
7. Every time I laugh, an Angel gets their wings.
8. I would like to get a baby Tamarin and name it Tom Selleck and take it with me everywhere I go.
9. I can make a vagina out of origami.
10. I invented the circle.