back to basics : things that are redonkadonk

That was such a heavy week. So much depth and honesty, pain and recovery, inspiration and hope, on a blog that is predominantly reserved for my magical blend of inappropriate humor, fearless observation, empirical wit, and irreverent sarcasm.

It’s time to get back on track people. Too much of this and before you know it I’ll be jerking off Dr.Phil and linking to Oprah’s book club. Jesus.

I need to get back to the things that really matter, the important issues, like things that I think are totally Redonkadonk. I’ve made a list. You’re welcome.

Dream Catchers.

Pleated Dockers.

Emoticons.

Yellow Toenails.

The word “gal”.

Ashton Kutcher.

ROFLMFAO.

Calvin and Hobbes peeing on things bumper stickers.

Ed Hardy T-shirts.

Straight guys that wear  jeans with white stitching.

Micro-penis.

Mustaches on everyone except Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott.

Shaved forearms on men.

People who say “I don’t know, man!”

Movie trailers that start with “In a world where…”

People who have confederate flags.

Fanny packs.

Men over 40 who wear their hats backwards.

Women who think it’s still ok to wear scrunchies.

PT Cruisers.

Cat leashes.

and of course,

Willard Scott.

66 replies

  1. I sometimes wear a scunchy but that’s only because I don’t have a pony tie, but I wear it under a hat. Do you forgive me? My favorite is movie trailers that start with “In a world where…”

  2. I would have to say ANY guy who wears his hat backwards. Why wear an f’in hat if you’re not going to wear it right? Even worse are the guys who wear them with the tags still on them and the bills flat. What the hell are they, the Minnie Pearl gang??

  3. Everything about this list is so right. Also women who wear scrunchies and then stick their ponytails out of the back of a baseball cap. Unacceptable.

    More lists of things you hate!

    • Yes! Thank you! God, there are just sooo many, like guys that wear shirts with the sleeves ripped off, gas pains, mullets, high top shoes of any sort, bud light tee shirts of any sort, disneyland tee shirts of any sort, pale denim levi’s shorts with hems in them on men, I could go on forever…

  4. Hahaha, I just laughed my ass off about the fact that dream catchers were on first place.

    The past 5 months I spent taking care of a family-member that was going through a financial rough patch (or so we thought). Long story short, she was just a fucking dumbass that had no idea how to handle money and only dug herself deeper. During the months she lived here I really grew to hate her. Guess what she wanted for her birthday? A dreamcatcher!

    She and dreamcatchers are fucking redonkadonk.

    • …In a world where one lonely moustached man stands in corduroy OP shorts, pleated dockers, and an Ed Hardy T-shirt, an equally lonely woman stands with her cat on a leash, side ponytail held securely in place by her scrunchie, and her lucky picture of Ashton Kutcher tucked in her fanny pack. Her dream catcher has told her where to find him. She sets out on her journey, only to be hit by a passing PT Cruiser with a Calvin and Hobbes peeing on Willard Scott bumper sticker. ROFLMFAO!

  5. I fucking love you. I wish to fuck that some fucking people would take the fucking stick out of their twats every time someone said fuck, shit, twat, asshat and my new favourite world, courtesy of Alice, fuckballs. Phew!! that felt good.
    Oh and shaved forearms – seriously?? I’ve never met one – thank fuck for that.
    Anytime I see someone with a dreamcatcher I want to steal it, upload some of my dreams onto it and return it with a note saying “enjoy your fucking nightmares now.”

    • I replied to a comment above with the following, I hope it blows your mind:
      …In a world where one lonely moustached man stands in corduroy OP shorts, pleated dockers, and an Ed Hardy T-shirt, an equally lonely woman stands with her cat on a leash, side ponytail held securely in place by her scrunchie, and her lucky picture of Ashton Kutcher tucked in her fanny pack. Her dream catcher has told her where to find him. She sets out on her journey, only to be hit by a passing PT Cruiser with a Calvin and Hobbes peeing on Willard Scott bumper sticker. ROFLMFAO!

  6. Uh-oh. I think I’m redonkadonk!! I wear scrunchies when I can’t find my hair ties; and I love emoticons (to a ridiculous degree, I admit it…); and I loved my dreamcatcher as a kid – I swore it took my bad dreams away…

    Do I have to put a redonkadonk label on my blog now…?

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