how a french canadian clown hitchhiked a ride to the most abbreviated trip to the state fair in the history of the world : part 2

If you have not yet read how a french-canadian clown hijacked my weekend : part 1 then do yourself a solid and read that first.


Now go check out the staggering mindfuck going on over a Clown On Fire.


how a french canadian clown hitchhiked a ride to the most abbreviated trip to the state fair in the history of the world : part 2

So all day my kids are bugging the living shit out of me to go to the fair, but as we all know, Le Clown created a time portal to a world of clown noses and all bets were off.  After hours and hours of ignoring playing with them, I took a deep breath, closed my laptop, and loaded us into the car.

We get to the fair and park 487 miles away and have to walk forever and it feels like it’s about 100 degrees and 100% humidity. My boys are 4 and 7, so as you can imagine, they were super psyched about the massive trek to the fair entrance.

We shell out our money, and go in.  At this point my 4 year old is walking slower than Clint Eastwood at the Republican Convention.  I bought them a $7 lemonade and we went to play the stupid fucking carnival games.  Seriously?  $10 for 7 darts?  Does that come with lube?  They both threw their 14 darts to the tune of $20 and won 2 utterly useless pieces of stuffed shit.

My 4 was all “I want to go hoooooommmme, it’s sooooooo hooooooottttttt”

So long story short, we parked, walked about 2 miles, paid $20 to get in, bought a $7 lemonade, threw 14 darts for $20…and walked 2 miles back and drove 1/2 hour home.

It was just wonderful.

Without further ado, I give you the rest of my fucked up day with Le Clown:

evidence that we really were at the fair. the 2 piece of shit toys, the 7 dollar lemonade, and the $50 that was $100. all for 20 minutes. hooray!

Clownypants and I shared a smoke and tried to settle down after the debacle.

whoopsies! contrary to popular belief, you do actually have to come out of your clown coma to let your dog out.

kids are so resourceful. he figured if he put the clown face over his perhaps i would pay attention to him because that is the only thing i had been looking at all fucking day. little angels straight from heaven.

Oh yeah, and did I mention I’m flying out to Florida at 7:30am tomorrow?  Have I packed, or even thought about packing?  Sillies, of course not.

Fucking Clowns.

7 replies

  1. Tracy,
    I just don’t know what to say.
    1. You must have read this:
    2. Dog poo. Fucking dog poo. You will have a bonus just for the dog poo.
    3. Your kid holding my pic. I should warn you: he’ll have nightmares.
    4. You’re off to Florida. Have you packed bath salts?
    5. You are brilliant.
    How much does this give you? Dog poo + pictures + ignoring your kids = 35 more clown noses.
    Le Clown

  2. 1. yes, i liked my own post.
    2. yes i gave it 5 stars
    3. yes you would have done the same thing.
    4. yes i like the many many clown noses i’ve been decorated with.
    5. yes, my eyeballs are burning out of my head.
    6. yes, i am going to dream of clown noses.
    7. yes, i must start packing.
    8. yes i really have to leave my house by 5am.
    9. yes, i am still standing here typing this.
    10. yes, i will check my stats one more time.

  3. Hilarious. I actually employed my kids to help with the picture descriptions so they were totally paid attention to today. I think you liked the fair as much as I like amusement parks. As in, not. Still jealous of all the clown noses. You’d better guard them. I hear there are sneaky people about.

    And I agree. Fucking clowns. 🙂

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