As you’ve probably already gathered, I enjoy sarcasm, it’s delicious. But you know what sucks:
Happens all the time. Like when I had that weird freaking lump in my neck…I’m in my doctor’s office (my NEW doctor) and he feels it. I say, “I’ve been on Web MD and googling a lot, and I’m pretty sure I have testicular cancer of the neck.” And he says, deadpan, dry as a bone, “No, I don’t think so, it’s more likely a bacterial infection of some sort.” Really? Like I seriously think I grew a fucking testicle in my neck and that it’s cancerous?
I also like words, words words words! Hooray for words! But sometimes we need new ones, our language can be limited.
Try these on for size, you’re welcome.
Askhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Avocrap: The stuff you don’t eat from an avacado
Aeroma: The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.
Ambivilane: The striped area by an exit ramp where people often pull off when trying to decide “Is this my exit?”
Cheedle: The residue left on one’s fingertips after consuming a bag of Cheetos.
Elbonics: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest on an airplane.
Waxident: When one accidentally removes half of an eyebrow.