What do you get when you cross Morley Safer, Gerry Sandusky (local sports anchor not the Penn State sex offender) and Russell Brand?
The most fucked up dream ever.
So I’ve had a lot on my plate, and a lot on my mind lately (obviously). My racing mental state is equal to a room full hundreds of post-binge bulimics on treadmills with nowhere to barf. I’m searching for the quiet Buddha ohm state but it is locked in a closet somewhere that I cannot seem to locate. It’s very noisy in here and I just want it to quiet down, it’s like having a bad trip in a casino, with a migraine, and all the doors are locked. I sound like a total lunatic, right? I know, sometimes I feel like one when the old brain gets in the nasty hamster wheel of thoughts.
I have always been able to remember my dreams with vivid clarity which is sometimes wonderful (like when I get to hang out with my deceased Mother, or fly) and sometimes horrible because it takes me half of the day to shake off the residual feelings of horror or fear the dream has left. It’s been impossible for me to write with all of this internal chaos, I cannot organize my thoughts…then I have this totally wacked out dream last night. Holy. Shit.
So I’m in an airport of some sort and I am very aware of something on my back, I cannot see it but it is large and heavy and it is talking, like a human backpack that is connected by a very large piece of metal pipe. I realize this is weird but I cannot see it, just feel it so I keep walking looking for my gate. People start following me and talking to my human backpack passenger connected to me by metal pipe. Somehow I realize that it is Gerry Sandusky and that he is doing a live broadcast about the Orioles. People then start walking up to me and laughing, and I realize that he is not connected to me, but that I am connected to him. I start yanking at the pipe trying to detach myself but the more I pull I become encased in some sort of membrane like cocoon. I am struggling and suffocating and suddenly I am laying on a bed with Morley Safer and Russell Brand. Russell Brand is licking me on my face and laughing very Russell Brandishly, and Morley Safer is crying.
Still with me, or are you on the phone with the local sanitarium and my address?
I am totally turned on by Russell (which I am in for real life too) and we are laying there cracking up while Morley Safer cries. I then notice something on my cheek, it is pulsating like a giant zit, and I touch it and it is the size of an apple with hair on it. I realize it is an absorbed twin (naturally) and I rush to the mirror to groom it. It looks like Russell Brand’s baby.
Then I am underwater in a dark blue velvet bag, the light coming through is reddish and it is very peaceful and I think that I must be in the womb. I take a long nap for years and years. I wake up and I am desperately trying to find something, running and searching and scared as hell. I am in front of my old house but I am completely lost and I feel that horrible sensation of falling (not the good kind). My Mom is sitting in a lawn chair with the one and only crying Morley Safer, and she is smiling slightly and telling me to calm down that it will all be ok.
Now suddenly I’m in a very hot sex scene with Russell which is quite a pleasant relief, and there is a blindingly bright white flash and I am awake sitting in my living room. I walk over and turn on the tv and make a cup of coffee. I sit down in my chair with my coffee and my Jeannie dog walks up and nuzzles my hand to pet her.
I wake up (for real) in bed, in a pool of tears on a soaking wet pillow.
Today, I am exhausted from it. But I am strangely clearer, clearer enough to write which is something. It’s amazing what happens in our dreams, we spend almost half of our life in them. Ever go to bed thinking about a problem and wake up with the solution? It’s the coolest thing ever. So many ideas, answers and possibilities are born in our dreams.
I have no freaking idea what last nights ordeal was all about, why those particular characters or scenarios, but I do know that today I feel a little more grounded, a little more quiet. Somehow Morley, Gerry and Russell brought along my Mom and my dog and hashed out some serious issues.