coming “next week” : hold on to your urethra : the one, the only, jake frigging nodar!

I have such a big treat coming up for you, and I am giddy with excitement and anticipation.  Hopefully by the time you finish reading this, you will be too.

Next week, (and by next week I mean once we finally get all of our shit together,) I will be featuring a guest blog from my super-special totally famous ridiculously funny cousin, Jake Nodar.

He’ll probably be upset I didn’t put his name in lights, so here:

You may be thinking, “hooray! your cousin! hard up for material?”

Oh yeah, just Google him, and then smack yourself for thinking such a thing, and then shut it.

Jake has appeared on The Discovery Channels hit show Out Of The Wild – The Alaska Experiment , and most recently The History Channels Full Metal Jousting

(I made this montage and I know he’s totally going to ask me to make it into a poster for above his bed.)

Yes, he is my cousin, my insanely good-looking gay rainbow pride cousin to boot. (Did the Metro Weekly cover give it away?)

Sorry ladies.

From the time we were strange, awkward and annoying children, it was evident that Jake and I were cut from the very same cloth.  This fabric is woven from a magical blend of inappropriate humor, poor choices, filterless living, the love of penises, and the insatiable desire to laugh even when it’s not supposed to be funny.

Throw in high-kicking or splits in public and you have a winner.

Apples don’t fall far from the tree, and we have the most interesting and inappropriate family dinners on the planet.

(actually, this is not from a family dinner, even better, it’s from our Great-Grandmother’s wake.)

I have been begging him to search through his boxes in storage at his Mother’s house to find “The Easter Video.”

It was 2002, and Jake was not able to make the big old family Easter Dinner because “he was away training horses.”

We later found out what “training horses” really meant, but that’s another story, one I’m going to try to persuade him to tell you.

Anyway, in his absence, Jake had some very concise instructions for his Mom.  Jake is one of five kids, and then there’s my brother and I, with a peppering of other miscellaneous relatives.  Add in significant others, kids etc. and we are a big and boisterous bunch.  As we all took our seats around the table, my Aunt came out of the back room hoisting a TV with a built-in VCR.  She set it down on the table perfectly aligned where Jake’s place setting should have been, as if this were as normal as filling the water glasses.

Once everyone was seated, she hit play.

It was Jake, sitting in front of the camera at a table, proportionally equal to our own size.  He was shirtless and eating cereal, occasionally interjecting comments or reactions to the conversation he was imagining he was part of.  Sometimes he would burst out in hysterical laughter.  Sometimes he would excuse himself from the table to do a handstand in the background, at which point we were privy to the fact that he was only wearing underwear.

We were are all having “normal” conversations at the table, and the timing of Jake’s recorded interjections was like a crazy game of Mad Libs.  It would send us into tears.  It would interrupt my Aunt from burping the alphabet like she does every year.

This is just a little background, I’m setting the scene and trying to give you a freaky little glimpse into our version of normal.

Jake has had an extremely interesting ride carving his niche, and I hope to share some of that with you.

He is an eclectic anomaly.  He purchased a short bus (yes, an actual short bus) a few years ago and drove across country “for fun” with a few friends to film his documentary “Stereotyped.”

He is a skilled and accomplished horse trainer, and he is a member of the Atlantic States Gay Rodeo Association (which I find incredibly amusing that there is such a thing.)

I will shut up now so that he actually has something to write about “next week.”

In closing, I will leave you with this little gem.  Jake went to Africa a few years ago with a friend, we are still not entirely sure why.

This is Jake, with the Masai Tribe, joining them in their ceremonial circumcision dance.  Here is this lanky white gay guy, in the most ridiculous outfit, confident enough to approach the tribe and have this filmed by his friend.  If you do not laugh, you are never allowed back on this blog.

Make sure you read his shirt, it’s the best part.

See!  I told you you’re in for a treat!

34 replies

  1. I LOVE your cousin! I saw him on FMJ, riding some of my “former” horses on the show, friended him on FB, and that’s how I found out about your blog (he “shared” you)!!! He is the funniest, zaniest guy I’ve ever seen! And while I love the circumcision dance, his Fine China snippet makes me pee my pants everytime I watch it. I try to limit myself as this is embarrassing….
    I feel almost giddy with anticipation!!!!! Hurry up and get here next week!

  2. Ummm…could *I* have a copy of that montage made into a poster please? I don’t care what his sexual orientation is…but ddddaaaayyyyuuuuummmmmm…taht would be some nice eye candy to look at!

    But seriously, can’t wait to see his post. if he’s related to you, this outta be hilarious!

  3. I am laughing in my sleeping bag in a backyard shed. If Jake ever dies, I want his funeral to be an entire weekend!

    • That is the saddest thought ever Mister Negativity.
      But I do find it interesting that you said “If ever” like there’s an option.

      Love and Rainbows and Not Dying,

  4. Ah….definitelybetter than that ~
    for some reason the short bus story reminded me of when I was in Palm Springs visiting my psychic gay uncle and we saw a short bus that had “Retards of the Desert ” written on the side…it was in all seriousness… I spit water thru my nose laughing so hard. Ah…only in Palm Springs, CA…

  5. HAHAHA! I love him already!! Honestly, at first, I thought he photoshopped himself in and then when I saw him actually dancing with the tribe, I was beyond myself. Then he lost his pants and started gyrating and I couldn’t look away. Seriously. My favorite part (other than the shirt of course) is when he jumps he does this little twitch that reminds me of Stewart from MadTV. Hahaha. Can’t wait!

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