pee’s and poo’s and bad tattoos

I may have made a lot of mistakes, but one I am fortunate enough to never have made is a tattoo.

I went to art school for god’s sake, I was a prime candidate.  But see, here’s the thing…I can’t even go a month without getting sick of my living room and having to rearrange the furniture.  It’s not that I was opposed to getting a tattoo, I just could never think of anything that I would still like after 2 weeks, let alone 30 years.

Not to mention that I have seen some really, really, really bad tattoos.  I’m not even talking conceptually, I’m talking artistry.

Just because someone has the tools and know how to give a tattoo, does not an artist make.  My 4-year-old knows how to use a pair of scissors, but I wouldn’t go to him for a haircut.  If you knew someone who was very skilled with an exacto knife, that doesn’t mean you would go to them to remove a mole from your face.

But strangely, it seems anyone boasting a shop and a sign that reads “Tattoo’s” is qualification enough for many.

Now would be a good time to go empty your bladder.  I’ll wait.

Good, welcome back. Did you poop, or just pee?

Now brace yourself friends, because this is going to be a long one.  There’s just too much material out there.

This first section is dedicated to misspellings.

Well, that’s a relief, because personally, I’d have some Regerts.

It does?  I don’t know if I Belife that.

Oh silly, that’s ridioulous.  But nice save on “absolutely”, that was a close one!

Awesome!  I hear Puerto Rirco is really nice this time of year.  Kind of like Puerto Rico, but more stupid.

Oh yes it does.  TOMARROW knows you’re unemployable.

You betcha!  I’m actually at a loss for words.  Which is Awsome.

That is so sweet Darryl, but unfortunately I was mayd for your best friend.

Whew, nice save with the bright fuchsia “e”, it almost looked fucked up for a minute.

Schoool, would’ve helped.

I do now. But the pretty butterfly makes up for the fact that you’ll look like an illiterate tramp for the rest of your life.

Always a bridesmaid never a bride!

Yeah, fuck it.  You asshole.  Now you have to cut into your Mom’s food stamps to get that extra “s” taken out.

Delicious!  I’ll have a glass.

Really? REALLY?

Whew, again, really nice save.  Well done.

Now, this next batch of winners comes out of the folder I entitled “unemployable”.

Now Chuck, perhaps you thought that tattooing a quotation, from the Very Famous Larry the Cable Guy, directly on your forehead would be a motivational talisman when you looked in the mirror every morning.  Apparently it motivated you to Git-R-Dun in a negative, possibly literal way, hence the mug shot.

Dear Racist,

I may not know my ass from a hole in the ground, but I’m going to go out on a limb here.  This may not have been the smartest choice of wording and/or placement for your tattoo.  I understand that you are filled with hatred towards all those other inferior races, and that you stand firm in your convictions, as you should, being supremely white and all.

I don’t think this is going to help you in your job search, not to mention your eharmony page.  Might I also suggest that you avoid, at all costs, any interaction with the public outside of the small, inbred backwoods town you call home.

If you find yourself in even a remotely metropolitan area, wear a hat.   Again, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that tattoo could get you shot dead.

Have a Great Day!

That is a compelling tattoo, or tattoo’s if you will.  If I were a judge, I would definitely check my notes because tattooing your innocence is serious, and I would logically think that I made a grave error somewhere in my sentencing.  So thanks for bringing that to my attention.

Here’s my personal favorite:

This is so great, because I have the perfect girl for him from my previous post:

There are just so many my head spins.  This one is particularly special:

You go Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing Unicorn on the thigh!  Party!

Meow. You douchebag.

Super duper classy.

Ha Ha, bet that was funny, for like 5 seconds.

Anyway, that’s enough of that.  Think twice before getting a tattoo.

But I do like this one, If I ever cut off my toe, I think this is one I could live with.

16 replies

    • Of course they’re infected, because they were most likely done with a dirty hypodermic needle dipped in india ink by a guy who operates out of his van.

  1. I’m with you–no ink! At least not the permanent kind and especially if it’s made up of misspelled words. All of these made me want to hurl and one, “pussy eater,” actually made me throw up in my mouth a little. We can’t but wonder what drives people to do the things they do. Sigh.

  2. I like the wrongfully convicted one. If I ever get wrongfully convicted of a crime, I’m going to get that tattooed on my eyebrows. But in blue, to make my eyes pop. Although, to be honest with you, I’ll probably also do it if I get rightfully convicted of a crime, just to see if they fall for it and release me from prison. So I can strike again. I’m very duplicitous like that.

  3. The person of Patrick Swayze, is actually portrayed in the form of a centaur not a unicorn! But you knew that didn’t you!

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