Ugh, I didn’t make it to the gym today, that makes 5 years in a row.
Why For The Love Of God does working out have to be so hard? I would so much rather think about wearing fitted shirts and skinny jeans boasting tight muscles and thinner thighs while I sit on my ass eating a BLT with extra B and extra Mayo, surfing the web for great workout deals to purchase that I will never use.
I have only successfully ever worked out for about 4 months in a row. That consisted of classes 4 days a week, and strength training 3 days a week, and a personal trainer to kick my ass. I had a nutritionist and followed the plan. I threw myself into it with my “it’s not worth doing if it’s not worth overdoing” attitude and I lost about 35 lbs and got a really good start on getting my shit back together. But all good things must come to an end. There is always the first missed class or rescheduled training session that leads to more and more excuses and before I know it, I am ridden with guilt and back to begrudgingly writing a check for my one year membership as I sit on my ass eating a BLT with extra B and extra Mayo. How does this happen?
I bought a 1 year gym membership 4 years ago because they had childcare so I could never use that excuse. I never went, not once. There’s nothing that will make you feel more guilty than not working out, other than paying for a year membership and not working out.
Between Spanx and unused gym memberships I could have sponsored about 10 children in Guatemala for a year.
Exercise was easier when you were chasing a ball. I used to play sports all my life until high school when I discovered that it was much more fun to spend my time pulling bong hits.
In my late 20’s I occasionally went through bouts of working out. I’d hang in there, going to classes like a maniac for about 2 months then decide that it was interfering with my hangovers.
So now, here I am, 41 years old with a 4 and almost 7 year old, new sobriety, and the desire to really make working out a priority in my life. I have lost a lot of weight, but still want to lose some more, and do what I believe is referred to as “firming up” or sometimes “toning up”. Let me tell you, I am off to a great start!
In October I started Yoga and Pilates, I REALLY enjoyed this, and religiously did 4-5 classes a week…for about 2 1/2 months, my normal stint. Life just got in the way and I stopped going. So in February, there was a Groupon for 10 fitness classes at The Maryland Athletic Club (a 250$ value) for $35! They had to be used by April 13th. This was perfect, they had a variety of classes around the clock and there was NO excuse for me not to go. Except for the fact that I thought about going plenty, but never dragged my ass to even one class and the stupid Groupon expired. Goddamnit! What was wrong with me??!!! Have I mentioned that I have a full gym IN MY HOUSE? Yep, weights, machines, treadmill, elyptical…complete with a steamroom and sauna to boot. Have I mentioned how dusty it is up there? It is like a giant albatross, ever reminding me that there is a NEW ME right upstairs if I would just get my lazy ass into gear. I have P90-X that I bought for like $250 6 years ago, still in its original packaging.
Something’s got to give people.
OK, so my newest venture…Fit Body Boot Camp! My friend/cousin’s wife and I just bought a Living Social deal for 30 boot camp classes for $45. Everyone I have talked to that has done it says that you will be miserably sore the first week, but that if you can muscle through it, it gets better and in one month the transformation will be amazing! Promising pounds and inches melting off, a 30 day transformation, and all I have to do is show up and do the work for 1 hour a day, 5 times a week.
So, we bought the Living Social deal one week ago on April 11. So far we could not go Monday because we couldn’t find childcare. We did not go yesterday because I forgot I had a shrink appointment followed by a gynecologist appointment (what a fun day!) So we were all set to go this morning at 9:15, and I got a text from Robin (friend/cousin’s wife) that we couldn’t go today because she called and found out that we had to be there early to fill out a boatload of paperwork (that if we drop dead they are not liable) and sign up for the class. I feigned disappointment but was secretly thrilled, I was just so tired! Whoopsies! That’s 3 full days of excuses right out of the gate (or “right out the bat” as my friend who has a metaphor mixing disability always says.) So tomorrow WE ARE REALLY GOING! Get our kids off to school and meet for the 9:15 class.
So, I will keep you posted as to how this journey is working out (or not). I may actually take “before” pictures, but will only post them if the “after” pictures ever actually come to fruition.