I’m going to interject here, present time, and jump out of the past for a bit.
I will let you all know that I am indeed, writing a book. It is a memoir, although “memoir” sounds like something a pensive grandmother writes, sitting in front of the window with a feathered quill pen. Autobiography sounds like something reserved for presidents, tycoons or great athletes. This is neither. I guess it’s just my life story, plain and not so simple.
I’ve been giving you little tastes, glimpses into a long and complicated past, all of which have gotten me to where I am right now; a 42-year-old, sober, divorced mother of two, sitting in front of the window, finally able to write it all down.
It’s overwhelming really, all of the pieces of our past that make us who we are. I had thought about doing it before, but was never able to even find a starting place. I kept thinking it had to be linear, how these events stacked up and played out, they blurred together and my brain would just blow a fuse. Then, something happened. I started writing inside out. As memories bubbled up, I looked at them, one at a time, like an archeologist. I carefully dug it up, dusted it off, examined it from all sides, put it under the microscope, and then I would lay it aside and move on to the next piece as it presented itself. All of the pieces, in turn, reconstructing the skeleton of my life. This is how I am finally able to eat an elephant.
With all of that said, I am going to keep posting pieces, and let them run into short series’, but if I ran all the way with each one I would essentially be posting my entire book. For instance, the whole Ron story, that spans years, and imbedded in it are a hundred other stories, not to mention the flip side of dysfunction running parallel over at my dad and Bonnie’s house. I’ve got to save some of that, so that hopefully, one day, there will actually be a real book for you to hold in your hands, and by hold in your hands, I mean buy.
I’ve opened a flood gate since I wrote Beef Stroganoff last week, and I’ve been cranking out a minimum of 3000 words a day. We all know how this goes, we have to roll with it when it comes, because you know it’s gonna dry up and you’re going to hit a wall, staring at a flashing cursor pulling your hair out, emptied before you know it.
Your response to that piece, and the entire “Ron” series has been significant, encouraging, and has let me know that it does indeed resonate. I am certainly not the only one with a fucked up past, I’m just writing it, and in all honesty, having people identify with it the way you have is rather astonishing. It lets me know, without a doubt, that this is what I’m meant to do. I finally feel like I’m on the path, know what I mean?
So thanks to all of you who have taken the time to comment and provide incredibly valuable feedback, as well as to share your own hardships and personal triumphs. It is, without a doubt, Awesome™.