Balance. That is a tricky little nugget of a word shrouded in mystery, and I’m sure I’m not the only person who struggles with it. To me, balance is like figuring out how to walk around in a wet and shrunken wool sweater…in July. That translates into icky and confusing.
The past few months I have been happier than I’ve ever been, wrapped up in the world of an incredible love I have never known before. By no one’s fault other than my own, everything besides my relationship and our children has been neglected, particularly my writing. Since I began this blog, at a minimum I have posted 2-3 times a week. I’ve posted maybe 6 times in the past few months, and have not at all worked on my book, not freaking once. Slowly, I’ve begun to feel a restlessness creep in, one which I could not accurately identify. I realized that this has started to eat at me, that little voice in the back of my head that warns don’t lose yourself.
Let me make it perfectly clear that I am in a happy and incredibly healthy relationship, it is exactly where I want and need to be, and I’m filled with incredible gratitude that I have indeed found my soul mate. With that said, I need to be able to find a balance between me and us in order to feed my own soul and be the person I need to be in order to make a relationship work in the first place.
Then, this morning, I received this message from my dear friend and fucktard, Le Clown:
Yo. I know you’re in love. I know you are at hippie land of music. And I am fucking happy for you. But I am selfish. Will you continue to blog frequently? Will you continue to come on my blog once a week at least and make comment and like a post, and not something stupid cause you have to? I love you, but you’re kind of defeating the purpose of being in the blogroll right now, twat. x
That couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, it is exactly what I needed to hear. It smacked me in the face with the answer, and prompted me to write this post.
Balance, it takes work and resolve to find this happy medium. Being centered and nurturing your soul is absolutely essential in order to keep the light in your eyes, smile on your face, and love in your heart. If not, you will deplete, you will burn out, you will feel empty and unfulfilled and that will manifest into every nook and cranny of your life. I know this, I lived it, I lost myself for a long time and it has taken me almost 2 years to know who the fuck I am again.
I have learned that I am incapable of taking care of anyone else if I do not figure out, and do, what is necessary to take care of myself. Ironically it took a French-Canadian clown to help me fully realize what the fuck was going on inside of me. Thank you Eric. I will learn to make adjustments, keep feeding my soul, and in turn, be the best mother, partner, lover, girlfriend, and friend that I can be.
With all of that said and out of the way, I can’t wait to tell you all about our hippie fest weekend, because it was a magical and perfect combination of awesome hilarity. I got lost in my rich, full life and needed to take a break to live in order to have something to write about in the first place. I think I’m full and it’s time to sit and start vomiting words and stories.