a bit about me : step inside my head for a few minutes

As a self-deprecating recovering alcoholic, and divorced mother of two wildly awesome young boys, I often wear a very tight tee-shirt emblazoned with a bulls-eye, the fabric of which is woven from a magical blend of inappropriate humor, fearless observation, filter-less living, empirical wit, and irreverent sarcasm.

The Monkey’s Off My Back But The Circus Is Still In Town is a collection of comedic short essays, musings in memoir, and some food for thought on recovery and becoming a real live grown-up. As a direct result of my deformed emotions, numerous character defects, desperate narcissism, and poor decision-making, I will undoubtedly save at least four people in the world. Serious time and agony can be avoided with the cliffs notes of my personal misfortune in hand, the result of which will be warm tears running down your legs.

To the people of the world, I say, you’re welcome.

My stories are 100% true, self-narrated encounters, unbelievable occurrences, and opinionated observations that have taken place throughout my 42 years, 28 of which were peppered with high-functioning drug and alcohol abuse. I got sober November 9, 2011; the fog lifted, and I began vomiting my life. Now when someone asks if they can buy me a drink, I just say, “No but I’ll take the 8 bucks,” like I learned in finishing school.

I began this blog, and writing in general on April 10th, 2012, about 5 months after I got sober. I started writing as an outlet, and rather unexpectedly, it became an indispensable part of my recovery. I voiced my thoughts, fears, hopes, and opinions. It was very fucking loud and self-deprecating and rooted mostly in a humorous view of my experiences, both past and present. Sometimes I am hard and in-your-face and funny, much like I am. Other times I find myself remembering differently, with more connection and love. The sarcasm and cynicism will always be a part of who I am, but it is not front and center anymore, it is still finding its place in this new mix.

You encourage, criticize, question, support, and validate me in ways that would never happen if I were just writing in a journal. The interaction is essential, there’s a fellowship, and it is very dear to me. If you think about it, we found each other by pure serendipity. It’s really quite amazing, and I am truly grateful.

Thanks for following along on this journey. Enjoy the ride, it’s wild.




102 replies

  1. you are funny and you must be gutsy (sobriety) and what the hell was that woman thinking carrying that bag…I’m still LOL…all jokes aside congrats on being sober and what a hard path you have been on…you rock

    • thank you. sobriety is the new high, at least for me.
      and I KNOW! that bag had me in tears the entire flight, not only because it was what it was, but because I was drunk with 2 drunk friends and they had to sit in the row with her! It was a little gift from god.

    • i’m doing a curtsey right now for you. not really, see, i’m so honest.
      your blog looks right up my alley, going to poke around over there. i’d like Joaquin to poke around in me more though.

  2. I love your blog but now I realize mine is too fucking bland. I think my next post will be titled “Yesterday a doctor put a camera in my ass”. He gave me something to make me sleepy. I took the day off work and after he was done and I was driven home I laid on the couch in a haze. I watched “Fishing with John” and read through your blog. I was ecstatic today when I realized your blog wasn’t just a dream. It isn’t, right? I’d like a nickname now please.

  3. Not to be a broken record, record, record, record…..

    Just kidding! You are too young to know what a record is anyway, whippersnapper! Get off my lawn! I am just trying to leave a comment on someone’s blog that I saw and thought might be interesting, and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids! What did you medal in, anyway – gymnasty?

    And that’s how Hotspur comments on cold medicine! HOORAY, I CAN BREATHE! I medaled in meds.

    • That fucking bag was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. What may have been even funnier was what a lunatic I was trying to photograph her in the line, and I was shitfaced.

  4. I stumbled across your blog via Alice at wonderland. As soon as I saw your blog title I started laughing and kept at it throughout your intro. BTW I was totally jealous of your bra removal superpower until I read the last line. You’re funny. I’m gonna enjoy reading ur blog

  5. Three things. I really like you or your blogging persona–you decide. I was really hoping you knew how to take your bra off without hands, can’t pin why I was rooting for that, but I was little disappointed. You don’t look like the average recovering addict/alcoholic so you must have great genes or the drugs were soft on you. Kudos.

  6. I can take my panties off without using my hands- it’s called ‘sex with my husband’ and/or ‘going commando’.

  7. I used to start early with vodka and OJ and tell myself it was healthy with the Vitamin C. Enjoyed reading a few of your posts, I’m going to come for another visit when I have time.

    Keep up the creative outlet, it’s important. And fun.

  8. I CAN remove your bra without my hands. But that is not what I wanted to say, it just slipped out of me. You are funny as fuck. Ok, that is more appropriate.

  9. Tracy, stumbled upon your blog via Le Clown (currently my favorite blog), but now….now I’m digging YOUR nose more! You have a new fan….perhaps more as I peruse.

    Pssst…..don’t say anything to Clown. His ego is very touchy.

  10. Jeez, what a killer “about”. Looking forward to now reading some of your posts.

    P.s that painting is fucking ridiculous. The values, tones, colour, lighting – all gorgeous.

  11. Hello there Tracy. Your blog and writing are exceptional. So I thought of you when I got nominated for The Liebster award today, a pay-it-forward recognition of bloggers from bloggers. I’m breaking all the rules, like you’re supposed to nominate blogs with less than 200 followers, but I couldn’t resist. I wanted to share your blog. So I’m nominating you. Maybe consider participating. Anyways, I love your authenticity and storytelling so I thought I’d take the opportunity to let you know.


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