Hey! Welcome to the party, here’s a blower thingy, go get yourself a jager bomb.
After 10 months of this thing called blogging, I just crossed over the 100,000 view mark last night. That is pretty fucking cool, at least to me, and it’s my blog, so I’m having a party, and you’re the guests of honor.
Upon inception of The Monkey’s Off My Back But The Circus Is Still In Town last April, I received 3,197 views my first month, and was ecstatic. I was ready to call 60 Minutes and tell them to do a segment on me, because I was so fabulous. That’s an average of 106 views per day. You have no idea how astounded I was by that, I mean I was just writing random shit and posting it and people were actually reading it, then people started following me. Anyone who’s blogged gets it. We love our fucking stats and make out with them all the time. Each one is a pat on the back, a gold star, a sticker of a unicorn jumping over a rainbow with the words “Great Job” written over it. I could barely figure out how to put up a post let alone manage all the settings, etc. But WordPress does make it pretty easy, even for someone like me, who is not as smart as Steve Jobs but smarter than Corky from Life Goes On.
In October, things really started to change, and by change I mean explode. I don’t know why, granted I get about 500 hits a day on my creative masturbation techniques post, which is weird/startling/horrifying/hilarious/awesome, but my numbers started climbing dramatically. In October I hit 7,500 page views (apx 250 per day). November came, holy shit call Matt Lauer, 17,000 views (566 per day)!! I shit my pants a little but the checker at the grocery store was not impressed. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, December topped off at 19,838 (661 per day) and my vagina and I celebrated over a romantic candlelit dinner. Then, the Mother of All Months…Janufuckingary…and you know where we are at people? 27,949 motherfuckers! That’s 998 per day, and I cannot believe that shit.
Although I am awesome, more awesome than the life-sized wax sculpture of myself that I don’t have, I would just be a sad girl, at home with a flashing cursor and her vibrator raising two wildly awesome little boys if it weren’t for you, my bestie bestest readers. Can you feel my high-five/smack on the ass/awkwardly long hug/reach-around? You who comment and inspire and curse and laugh and challenge me to keep finding shit to write about. You (especially you) who have supported and promoted me and brought me followers! You who have encouraged and given me reason to believe that I can actually write, albeit poorly, but in a way that makes tears run down your legs, and that is all I care about anyway. Getting the laughs. That is all I’ve ever cared about really, to a fault, but fuck it, it’s who I am and this is my corner of the world to let it all fly uncensored. It’s your choice whether to read it or not, and if I offend you then you can just go fuck yourself over to another vanilla blog.
This is going to be a big year. I’ve mentioned that I’m writing a book, it keeps spiraling and changing and what started out as a collection of comedic short essays has now transformed into more of a hilarious and possibly inspiring memoir. As you’ve probably gathered from reading me, I’ve had a pretty interesting and fucked up life. It has been anything but dull. It’s hard as hell to string it all together the way I want it, so I just keep at it, and eventually I’m going to attempt to get a literary agent and be as cool as Ericka Clay over at Creative Liar. She’s a much better writer than I am, and she wears Sketcher Shape-Ups so maybe I’ll ask her for advice/stalk her on Facebook. I’d like to be sort of like her when I grow up, although I think she’s like at least 10 years younger. I love to see people do what they love, follow their passion, and wind up getting published in the real world of books. I think that is the most awesome thing in the world.
Anyway I just want to thank all of you for coming to my Over 100,000 Views Party. I hope you had a blast, and that you drive safely and do not throw up and pass out on the kitchen floor with your pants down so that your friends can all write their names on your ass with a Sharpie and then smear your crack full of peanut butter. Because it sucks when that happens.
High Kicks and Hot Dogs,
Tracy Fulks
Congratulations! I’m glad to be one of the 100,000. You are an inspiration!
And you are an Enchanted Seashell!
Tracy,
Because of you, millions around the world are cuming in unison, giving themselves carpet burns and blessing your name, even Sarah Palin and her synthetic rug. Congrats, you magnificent™ blogger.
Le Clown
Le Clown,
I never used to like clowns. Actually, I never used to care much about clowns one way or another. To me, they were just alcoholics with creepy face paint, gigantic shoes and rubber red noses meant to entertain children but in reality just provide a lifetime of nightmares.
And then I met you, Le Clown. It sounded pretentious at first, pretentious and silly, which I have come to know as a Magnificent combination.
You have taught me that clowns are not just alcoholics with creepy face paint, gigantic shoes and rubber red noses meant to entertain children but in reality just provide a lifetime of nightmares. Clowns can be recovering alcoholics with creepy face paint and stripy shirts and huge egos and can even be Canadian. You have taught me that clowns not only have feelings too, but that they are incredibly poor drivers, especially on large hills.
Today, I’m proud to be a lover of clowns, but only if they are Le Canadian recovering alcoholic clowns with creepy face paint and stripy shirts and huge egos that are incredibly poor drivers, especially on large hills.
Love,
Tracy
Hats off to you girl or should I say pants down (ahahah) You Rock … Keep being yourself, everyone else is taken & you’re so awesome at it. Luv Ya
Thanks girl! Enjoy the party, have you tried Susan’s bruschetta? It’s amazing, go get some, it’s in the kitchen.
I entered late, but I’m glad I finally made it. Congrats! The stats are almost as awesome as the blog.
No you’re awesome! High five, go get yourself a party hat and throw down.
So awesome Tracy! Glad I’ve inspired you to find an agent. I usually inspire people to call the cops so this is a really big day for me!!
I usually inspire people to have a bowel movement, so me too!
Holy shit! It’s like 10,000 leagues under the sea but 10x more under. That’s trippy and well worth celebrating with a giant squid or mermen.
Mermen, I love the shit out of that.
I remember your last 100,000 hits party, whew
Wasn’t that called “High School” or “College” or “The 15 Years After College”
You are AWSOME!
I could almost hate you but you’re too fuckin’ hilarious… can I say I knew you when? When what, I’m not sure ….but ….well, you deserve to bask in the GLORY of 100,000+ hits….
I like that you used AWSOME as opposed to AWESOME to avoid paying me a royalty. Very smart. Don’t hate me, just start writing about masturbation and apparently the world will follow.
I’ve written about boobies, nipples, glory holes… who’d have thought it was masturbation that would make the difference…
And you’re on to me and my sneaky AWSUME ways
Congratulations! I was feeling pretty good about my stats until this post, but I daresay you deserve every view you get and then some. I know that many are glad you’ve shared your wisdom, and it must be nice to think that you’re responsible for thousands of orgasms around the globe.
thanks rolly longneck. apparently if you write about masturbation you can take over the world.
Tracy,
You’re the fucking best. That’s all I got.
I love you!
Red
Congrats Fulks!
So what’s your secret? Where do you get most of your referers from? Give me some tips so that i might achieve this level of greatness one day.
Yay!
That’s really nice, congrats.
Glad to be part of the party.
You have memorable posts in here, yes you do, but then, I don’t need to say it, you only need to see the numbers.
Congratulations on the hits. You are right to be proud. I’d be happy to have half that many. Hell, I’d be happy with a quarter of that. Anyway, you deserve the happiness. Go celebrate.
You go, girl! With stats like these, jigga please.
Wow….that is extremely impressive!! Congratulations!
Tracy,
As a reader of this here weblog, I’d like to congratulate you on your achievement. As a fellow blogger, however, I’d like to say FUCK YOU! I’ve been doing this for two years and just got to 40,000. Perhaps I’ll slip the word masturbation into a couple of my posts and see what happens.
In all seriousness, though, you rock. Keep on writing and I’ll keep reading.
don’t knock it till you rub it.
Or is it the other way around?
that depends on your technique.
Hmm… I guess I’m gonna hafta go read that article.
Me and my fucking woodpecker off you our congratulations!
Great, another blogger who is kicking my ass in popularity and talent. It took me TWO YEAS to get 100,000 hits!
TWO YEARS!
I’m sure you’ll get an agent and a book deal and I’ll still be getting ignored or rejected by everyone from my local paper to tv producers!
I need a.. well, I don’t drink, but I need something!
I love you, Tracy, but you suck. Congratulations on your success and remember me when you’re signing copies of your book “How I Kicked The Hook’s Ass in Ten Months.”
Wow that’s fucking awesome!! Congratulations! I hope you and your vibrator had a grand ‘ole time
We did, we partied like it was 1999. Thanks for your concern.