Comment threads can be even better than my stupid posts sometimes. Today I’d like to put that to the test, and give you the chance to shine. I am also very tired, and lazy.
Let’s see what you can do with this…
Cut and paste into your reply, filling in the blanks. I will award the winner with a GUEST POST within the next 2 weeks. You’re welcome.
The other day, I was so fucking _________ that I decided to ___________. I just could not believe there had been a _____________in my____________. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the _____________ for 100___________. Shortly after, I was feeling much__________, so I decided to meet my friends at the ___________. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about____________________________. I actually laughed so hard I _____________. I ________so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I ___________like a ____________.
Get to work, I award extra points for inappropriateness. Shocker.
The other day, I was so fucking exhausted that I decided to masturbate. I just could not believe there had been a cockroach in my wonton soup. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the Doctor for 100 Xanax. Shortly after, I was feeling much dopier, so I decided to meet my friends at the Booby Trap. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about the stripper who did a line off his dick. I actually laughed so hard I pissed myself. I danced so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I felt like a cocaine nose bleed.
This is pre-coffee. I did succeed in amusing myself and I love adlibs. Thanks!
Pre-coffee and you still came up with a stripper doing a line off his dick. Well played my dear, well played.
The other day, I was so fucking gay that I decided to have a sex change. I just could not believe there had been a dick in my pants. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the gay part of the red light district for 100 dicks to blow. Shortly after, I was feeling much too straight, so I decided to meet my friends at the “Cockring”. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about my fake vagina. I actually laughed so hard I ripped my anus. I cried so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I pooped in my bed like a freshly pressed transsexual with a ripped anus.
Ripped anus, at 8:57am, you set the bar mighty high my friend.
Yes, down here in Holland it’s almost diner time, so I will always be one step ahead of you, my friend. Muhahahaha.
The other day, I was so fucking horny that I decided to stick a corn cob in my cunt. I just could not believe there had been a Asian midget in my poetry reading class. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the special Olympics for 100 retarded high fives. Shortly after, I was feeling much better about myself, so I decided to meet my friends at the local snacking squirrel trail running club. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about accidentally sharting at his job interview that morning . I actually laughed so hard I pissed myself – shocker! I laughed so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I felt like a satisfied, retard loving, midget hater.
Wowzers. OK, you win inappropriate award. Can we make out now, please?
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The other day, I was so fucking titillated that I decided to have a hip thrust dance party. I just could not believe there had been an Eric Bana in my bed. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the bar for 100 shots of whiskey. Shortly after, I was feeling much like Gary Busey, so I decided to meet my friends at the roller rink. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about a dream he had involving a tiny monkey and peanut butter. I actually laughed so hard I lost control of my muscles and fell to the floor like a fish out of water. I drooled so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I sniffed the lingering odor of Bana sex like a Lindsey Lohan snorting crack.
Fuck. You had me at Gary Busey.
The other day, I was so fucking pissed off that I decided to kick a three legged kitten. I just could not believe there had been a(n) unusually large rodent in my pants. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the pet store for 100 giant mouse traps . Shortly after, I was feeling much more relieved, so I decided to meet my friends at the do-it-yourself Brazilian – wax specialty shop. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about shaving his hairy ass cheeks. I actually laughed so hard I felt bad and offered to do it for him next time. I enjoyed it so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I dreamed about his hairy ass cheeks and hot wax like a bad scene from 50 Shades of Grey.
It seemed pretty inappropriate to let my 9 year old come up with the words:
The other day, I was so fucking mad that I decided to dive. I just could not believe there had been a hat in my bus.. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the jail for 100 girls. Shortly after, I was feeling much angrier, so I decided to meet my friends at the castle. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about Christie. I actually laughed so hard I climbed. I ran so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I walked like a unicorn.
Thank you, that made me dizzy.
The other day, I was so fucking _pretty_ that I decided to _jerk it_. I just could not believe there had been a _dwarf_in my bed. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the bathroom for 100_squirts_. Shortly after, I was feeling much_better_, so I decided to meet my friends at the _bar__. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about_the time he banged a midget_. I actually laughed so hard I _sucked my balls up into the canals_. I _ached_so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I _popped them back into my sack like _edamame _.
Tommy, you edamame jerking midget banger. You rock.
The other day, I was so fucking constipated that I decided to literally shit bricks. I just could not believe there had been a hamster in my rectum. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the gynecologist for 100 rectal pap smears. Shortly after, I was feeling much vagina, so I decided to meet my friends at the local abortion clinic. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about the donkey who fucked his math teacher. I actually laughed so hard I shat myself and everyone around me. I pissed on Barack Obama so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I fucked Salma Hayek like a billionaire porn star on Viagra.
Salma Hayek rectal pap porn star. Nice work.
The other day, I was so fucking horny that I decided to call my loser ex-boyfriend up for a massive reaming. I just could not believe there had been a fucking cobweb in my vag, because it had been so long since I’d had sex! I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the sex toy store for 100 mini vibrators. Shortly after, I was feeling much satisfaction, so I decided to meet my friends at the local strip joint. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about ben-wa balls, ass beads, and Icy Hot. I actually laughed so hard I sharted. I sharted so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I felt like a hooker who only does anal.
Icy-hot and ass, ouchy.
The other day, I was so fucking horny that I decided to pick up a stranger. I just could not believe there had been a condom in my bedside table. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the liquor store for 100 shots of tequila. Shortly after, I was feeling much drunker, so I decided to meet my friends at the Coyote Bar. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about the boy with the crooked penis. I actually laughed so hard I peed my pants (duh). I drank so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I vomited like a frat girl.
That crooked penis boy, I’ve met him you know.
OK, my friend, for whatever stupid reason, sent this to my Facebook inbox. Apparently he is a pussy. I’m reposting here, because this is how it’s done:
The other day, I was so fucking horny that I decided to fuck my girlfriend in the ass. I just could not believe there had been jalapeño seed in my urethra. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the dispensary for 100 bucks worth of sour diesel . Shortly after, I was feeling much more like a modrn day Bob Marley, so I decided to meet my friends at the 33rd street Target. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about something I didn’t think was funny until just then. I actually laughed so hard I blew out a blood vessel in my eye. I bled so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I could not see like a carpenter named Jesus.
You’re welcome
So far…winner winner chicken dinner.
The other day, I was so fucking hormonal that I decided to rip the heads off tiny plastic dollies. I just could not believe there had been a weight loss ad in my in box. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the pet store for 100 baby kittens. Shortly after, I was feeling much less stressed , so I decided to meet my friends at the Booze and Hound. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about the time he tried fucking his own ass. I actually laughed so hard I orgasmed in my pants and suggested he call me next time he felt the urge. I came so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I smelled like a fishwife with an aversion to water.
P.S. I love baby kittens. No animals were hurt in the writing of this comment
The other day, I masturbated And then went to sleep.
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The other day, I was so fucking stoned that I decided to pierce my clit. I just could not believe there had been a raccon in my vajayjay. I needed to get over it, so in order to relieve some stress, I went to the whorehouse for 100 blow jobs. Shortly after, I was feeling much pleasure, so I decided to meet my friends at the titty bar. We were laughing our asses off at the story Mark told about that time he shat a terd shaped like a dick. I actually laughed so hard I queefed. I fucked so much, and that night when I crawled into bed, I blew bubbles like a we fart.
Dammit…a wet fart.