After a week of obsessive compulsive unpacking, I can now say, on the 7th day after move-in, that the closets are full, the pictures are hung, and my house looks like I’ve lived here for years.
Ahhh, right?
Wrong.
For starters, there’s this big bitch named Hurricane Sandy that’s supposed to slam into us around midnight tonight. They are calling for massive flooding, 60 mph winds, and power outages across the grid. Fucking awesome. Now, being in OCD unpacking mode, I did not even turn on my TV or communicate with the outside world all week. Friday someone asked me, “are you all ready for the storm?” I was all like storm shmorm, people get too hyped up about a little fucking rain. Then another person asked me if I needed any help preparing for the storm? WTF? At that point I turned on the TV and saw what all the hype was about.
Shit.
Yesterday between coaching soccer tournament playoffs, I dragged all of my patio furniture into the garage. All set, right? Nope. You see, I’m a dumb ass. Our old house had a built-in whole house generator (because we lost power so much) so when Irene fucked us all in the ass a year and a half ago, and most of the state was without power for a week or more, we were buzzing away on full-throttle, rationing out showers to our dirty powerless neighbors. We were suffering, however, because we did not have cable for a week. It was rough, but being the survivors we are, we powered through it.
So it hits me last night, fuck, we don’t have a generator here. I should probably shop for some water, toilet paper, bread, candles and shit, maybe fill my tank with gas at the bare minimum. So I went to bed thinking we would do all of that crap today.
But the universe had a different plan for me. I woke up with NO voice. None, zero, zilch. I sound like a tracheotomy patient without my trach in. My body feels like it weighs 4,000 pounds, I’m dizzy and there is a bonfire in my throat. It hurts to talk, even more to smoke. And I know that somehow, I have to drag myself and my kids to the store(s) to get out minimum requirements because Sandy is a dirty whore.
When Irene hit, my first and probably only stop was the liquor store. Mommy loaded up on Vodka like I had been told prohibition was being reinstated.
Anyway, I flip open my laptop, and a friend had just posted this from the local Wal-Mart this morning at 7am:
I wish he’d posted a photo of the cold medicine aisle. I feel like I need a wheelchair. If I can actually drag my sorry ass anywhere I’m totally going to ride a motorized cart, and my kids are going to be jealous and throw shit fits because they will want to ride a “scooter” too. I will let them, because I’m too tired to care. They will smash into shit and piss people off. I will ride up to the service desk and ask for a carton of smokes with sign language because I have no voice, which makes buying cigarettes just that much more awesome.
This sucks. Normally I would whip it all together and somehow finagle the whole escapade into a fun-filled adventure now that I’m a sober participant in the world instead of using my 20-something attitude of “It’s a Hurricane party!” and drinking around the clock.
So my friends, my bar is set pretty low, if I can get a bra on and wipe the mascara from under my eyes then that is good enough to justify leaving the house. Kids can wear their PJ’s, and ride “scooters” in the store and eat as many donuts as they want, because Mommy is just too sick to care.
Sandy, you’re a real cunt.
Now I’ve gone and looked Sandy up too. Hope you find some bread to eat. Stay safe, TF.
This is so super sucky. Everyone has told me not to even waste my time going out, that all of the stores are stripped of everything. Time to fill the bathtubs and hope for the best. At least I have a bag of cough drops and 4 packs of smokes.
stores were empty on Friday here.. shit!
where are you?
CT– you?
MD
egads.. be safe. We won’t get as much water but the winds are going to be dangerous here
What a major suckfest. Hope you manage to drag yourself out and at least get minimal supplies – kids notwithstanding. Be well and stay safe.
Thanks, managed to get a few things, and have been glued to the couch ever since.
Agreed on the c-word thing. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. My kid is sick, too. So, I have to go out and get some cold medicine. And some chocolate. Good luck! Feel better!
…and they just cancelled school tomorrow, excellent.
Here,too. But the corporate whores who run our restaurant change will expect all hands on deck tomorrow. You know, so the ten assholes who come out in gale-force winds can share an appetizer and leave $2. Yippee!
Oh god, do I remember those days…I’m sorry my friend.
Oh, it’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll get a decent post out of it. LOL.
God I wish I had been blogging back in my waitressing/bartending days! I’ve got to dig up some of those stories from my memory banks.
Tracy,
Holy fulks! I guess Walmart is the only one blessing Sandy!
Shame on her, fucktwat. Doesn’t she know we have a blogging life?
Le Clown
Le Clown,
Holy Clown actually back to commenting on my blog! If Sandy blew you back then she’s cool with me.
xo
Tracy
LeClown has been very busy. Basking in accolades, awarding Smithies, etc. LOL!
I read another blog and it said that storm passed without too much drama. here’s hoping the weather team got it wrong? they do that sometimes. Good luck and feel better!
Thank you, I think at this point the biggest concern is the 60 mph wind knocking down trees and power lines. sucky.
Wow! I’ve never seen a store empty like that! That’s INSANE! Definitely hope it passes by without much fuss like Peaches said! And you could have your kids call the grocery stores to ask if they have things since you have no voice
I have cough drops and cigarettes. All good.
The important things in life.
Along with vodka.
I remember those days…before I got my card revoked
Wow, I’m hearing about this hurricane everywhere. That has to be the only thing Texas has going for it. No hurricanes (just tornadoes and shitty governors). But that Sandy is a real bitch for sure. Being sick sucks enough without a hurricane. Taking the kids to the store in their PJs is fun cause then you can mentally flip off everyone there. Or spit in their face, whatever suits you.
I’m so over this thing already and it’s not even here yet.
WP is a bitch too. WTF. I can’t ever like anything or get anything to work on certain pages like this one.
I would be willing to bet that if I went to the grocery store right now in SC that the shelves would be empty here too! Duck and cover is all I have for you. Oh wait, try swallowing a teaspoon of maple syprup slowly. It will help.
Maple syrup it is, right after this cigarette.
Haha. Wow. Give Sandy a chance. She’s probably a really nice hurricane. Good luck.
No, she’s not. Everybody hates her, she’s a big nasty bitch.
Well I hate her too. If you need some reinforcements, sound the alarms! This is Sandy’s last run. Onward!
It would appear Walmart owes Sandy a big “Thank You!”
no shit.