rappers delight

your mullet is flowing

your teeth are all rotten

your personal hygiene

has long been forgotten

your 80’s Camaro

sits in your moms driveway

you live in the basement

huffing spray paint and hairspray

on a typical day

you awake around noon

and pull a few bong hits

and watch a cartoon

you order a pizza

and jerk off till 4

then throw on your jeans

from a heap on the floor

you ask mom for money

to put gas in your car

you head out the door

and go straight to the bar

you consider yourself

a big hit with the chicks

you’re as attractive as scabies

or head lice or ticks

you collect unemployment

with no hint of shame

you’re age 47

and can’t spell your name

yet you put up your profile

with this gorgeous head shot

and state that you’re looking

“for someone pretty and hot”

I bet they came running

they flocked and they swarmed

towards your warped sense of ego

that’s completely deformed

a few words of advice

as you continue your quest

i honestly feel these things

must be addressed

try getting a job

any store or department

get out of the basement

and get an apartment

do your own laundry

and cut your damn hair

and maybe think twice

about the shirt that you wear

loose the dumb hat

and get some new glasses

these things may help you

appeal to the masses

and just one more thing

before i must go

getting rid of that car

is indeed apropos.

18 replies

  1. Nice! I feel (almost) sorry for that poor bastard if he stumbles across this blog. Somehow I feel that he is not among the community of bloggers, so that is most likely never going to happen. I think I know that guy. He’s the one screaming “FREE BIRD” at the bar cover band.

  2. I don’t get it, sounds like a pretty cool guy with a nice mom. I’m 47 even though I look like I’m thirty seven. And my photo is only 3 and a half years old. It’s still a good life.

  3. whatthefulk….(my new nickname for you since I know you like them…didn’t read the comments on that blog, since I am traveling for my crappy job, did someone already give you a better one???) ….you are freaking hysterical. I wish I had thought of this before you and am pissed I didn’t.

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