As you’ve probably already gathered, I enjoy sarcasm, it’s delicious.  But you know what sucks:

Happens all the time.  Like when I had that weird freaking lump in my neck…I’m in my doctor’s office (my NEW doctor) and he feels it.  I say, “I’ve been on Web MD and googling a lot, and I’m pretty sure I have testicular cancer of the neck.”  And he says, deadpan, dry as a bone, “No, I don’t think so, it’s more likely a bacterial infection of some sort.”  Really?  Like I seriously think I grew a fucking testicle in my neck and that it’s cancerous?

Wowzies.

I also like words, words words words!  Hooray for words!  But sometimes we need new ones, our language can be limited.

Try these on for size, you’re welcome.

Askhole:  A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Avocrap:  The stuff you don’t eat from an avacado

Aeroma:  The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.

Ambivilane:  The striped area by an exit ramp where people often pull off when trying to decide “Is this my exit?”

Cheedle:  The residue left on one’s fingertips after consuming a bag of Cheetos.

Elbonics:  The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest on an airplane.

Waxident:  When one accidentally removes half of an eyebrow.