guess i’m out of the closet.

Wow, I’m still reeling from all of the responses I got over yesterday’s blog.  Apparently I really “outed” myself on that one, this must be what “the gays” feel like.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for all the love…but I have to get back to writing funny shit, my serious cup runneth over.  And real quick, speaking of cups, someone asked if they could buy me a drink, and I said, “no but I’ll take the 8 bucks.”  The confused look on his face as I held out my hand was a beautiful thing.

I’ve got some great stuff coming up…tomorrow I will be doing my first guest blog so make sure you check in here tomorrow morning, get your link and click on over there for a hilarious read.  I will tell you this, that it involves pork chop bones, depression, Ross Perot and Wal-Mart.  Obviously I’m very honored and excited that someone is hosting me on their site.

Writing a blog is great for many reasons, I do my best writing first thing in the morning so this really helps in preventing me from getting to that boot camp I signed up for.  I am really doing terrific with that, by the way.  I have now had my Groupon for 12 days, and have not been once!  Right on track, see!

With that said, I am going to begin my pre-mow ritual which involves Claritin, Allegra, Benadryl, and coffee.  I will be easing my guilt by mounting my glorious John Deere X500 on this beautiful sunny day and getting my mow on.  That is also good for you my friends, because I always come up with my best stuff on that tractor.  See, it’s a win-win.  Sometimes I have to dismount and run into the house like a lunatic to write stuff down before it gets away from me.  Sometimes I slip and fall in a pile of fresh dog shit and my tube top falls down exposing half of a breast as I lay sprawled across my front lawn cursing my dog’s name very loudly.  Sometimes I then throw my shitty flip-flop at the dog, but then realize that was stupid because I now have to wash the dog unless I want shit caked all over my house.  Sometimes my kids yell at me for using bad words and then they try to use them themselves.  Sometimes I make Hot Sauce Popsicles For Disobedient Children.

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