I’ve gotta brag, I’ve never been to jail. Juvie, sure, but not actual jail.
There are at least 47 occasions on which I should have been thrown in jail. Somehow I managed to dodge that bullet, but regretfully I don’t have a really cool mug shot and accompanying story to tell…
Like these folks:
Excuse me Sir? Are you having a nice nap? I thought only cattle and horses could sleep standing up? Oh buddy, what are the odds on wearing that shirt, on the actual day you would GO TO JAIL!?
UH-OH! Hey Derrick! Is it ok if I call you Derrick, because you look like a Derrick to me. Why the long face? Are you so sad that you’re going to miss The Annual WORLD’S GREATEST DAD competition that you apparently never rehearsed for, or is that just the Wild Turkey and Oxycodone talking? Either way, hang in there Derrick, you really are a ding-dong.
Hey Kids, everybody in the pickup, Granpappy’s in the slammer again. PS, nice absence of sunshine hat.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Clever is right! If it wasn’t for those 36 beers you used to chase down the Percocets, you would have had us all fooled. Nighty Night.
Comments anyone?
When I was in the t-shirt business I was always after a friend who’s family owned a large lumber yard and home center to print shirts. Her Mother always said “No, becuase the guys who come in here are just going to get arrested in the shirt, then our name and logo will be in the paper” I never got an order. Smart old bird.
Makes me want to put on a MDSP tee shirt and throw a rock at a cop.
When I bartended at Have a Nice Day Cafe we had a pretty boy guest bartender eat ecstasy while wearing a Lucky Charms tee shirt, then start a fight and spend the weekend in Central Booking. On ecstasy. In a Lucky Charms tee shirt.
Brilliant!
~jen, duh!
I’m no matemetician, but Ecstasy+Central Booking+Lucky Charms tee shirt=Unwelcomed Sodomy
thanks! Just wet myself! Keep writing this stuff. It’s the only highlight in my day at this sucky job.
Rachelle, so glad I could make you pee. I am to please.
You got to have a J-O-B if you want to be with me…
Rob, the line must be around the block.
Criminals aren’t exactly lookers, are they?
no, but you win an award for fastest catcherupper on my blog!